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I sat at my vanity, carefully applying the finishing touches to my makeup. My R&B playlist boomed from the TV, filling the room with smooth melodies. I have been feeling very shitty over the past few days—shitty and drained, like I was floating through a fog.
This minute mi a sleep like there's no tomorrow, and mi did already love sleep but it's gotten worse. Next minute I'm throwing up the minute I consume something. I'm just over it.
But today was different. I woke up, I wasn't nauseous or anything, I consumed my meal without throwing up and I'm not sleepy.
Today, I felt a small spark of joy creeping back in, and I was determined to hold on to it.
I'd been in a dark place recently, struggling with a decision that would change my life forever. Nights had been the hardest, tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling as doubts and fears swirled in my mind.
I was pregnant, something I never expected at this point in my life, especially not with everything going on. School was supposed to be my main focus, my ticket to a better future, and now, everything felt uncertain. But after what felt like endless hours of thinking, crying, and weighing my options, I finally made a decision. I was going to keep the baby.
Mi cyah nyam it only cocky mi stomach strong enough fi devour.
It wasn't an easy choice. In fact, it was probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make. Aborting the child had crossed my mind more times than I could count, and I'd even made appointments I never went through with.
The same day such Bwoy did come ova mi did plan fi do it to, dats why I was crying afterwards because I kinda felt guilty.
The thought of it weighed too heavily on my heart, and every time I considered it, I felt a knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away. I knew it would be tough, juggling classes and motherhood, but deep down, I knew this was the right choice for me. I couldn't live with myself if I took that step, so I didn't.
I leaned in closer to the mirror, carefully applying my mascara, making sure each lash was perfectly coated. My reflection stared back at me, and for the first time in a long time, I saw someone who was strong, determined—even if she was scared. I smiled softly, feeling a sense of peace wash over me that I hadn't felt in weeks. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, even if just for a moment.
After finishing my makeup, I decided to do something that would make me feel good, something that would remind me of who I am beyond all the stress and worry. I went to my closet and pulled out my favorite lingerie set, the one I'd been saving for a special occasion, but hadn't had the chance to wear.
Nave nuh man fi dress up for anymore so might as well.
Today felt like that day. I slipped into the delicate lace, adjusting it to fit perfectly against my skin. The way it hugged my curves made me feel beautiful, powerful even, like I was reclaiming a part of myself that had been lost.
