Make You Feel My Love

I Love Us

Seungmin POV

Three days had passed since Jeongin had run away. Everything had come to a halt. Recording had been suspended, and not even Chan was working- watching him at all hours, only taking short breaks to shower and eat- if someone took a shift. Of course, we all were. 

It was bizarre the way life seemed to pause, all of us unsure how to process that something so major had happened to of beloved maknae. I reminded me of the week after I'd been shot protecting Minho. Maybe shot was exaggerating- since I hadn't actually been punctured by a bullet. Still. I had put myself in danger for the man I loved, so that the other man I loved would never have to mourn him. 

I knew as I thought about those specifics that our relationship was odd. Jackson had been right, relationships tended to be two people. Not four. But somehow, it worked and I tried not to overthink it for fear of it being a hallucination. I just knew, I loved us. 

I hadn't gone over to see Jeongin yet. I felt like such a shitty best friend, but it was more difficult than I'd thought it would be. I'd been largely isolated in my room, hiding from my boyfriends- not wanting to bother them with my asinine ptsd shit. I came out for meals and the occasional cuddle- staying silent. 

They would calmly tell me about Jeongin, no details and would leave it at that, realizing I was having issues- understanding I needed my space to work through it. It was all too much. They way Jeongin was handling it was too... familiar, having endured years of assault and abuse myself.

I didn't speak about it, ever- not to anyone besides my therapist. I knew I could tell Min and Ji and Jackson, but I didn't want to. I knew I could not manage to tell them without completely shattering. Jeongin's listlessness- inability to keep food down, desperation for human contact with Chan... well the last one for me had been desperation to find a bigger, scarier lover to protect me from Woojin, but close enough.

Now I had three of those. Jackson and Minho were obviously my shadow daddies, but Jisung. 

He was the one to fear. 

He had a way of acting coy and cute and drawing you in, but I knew- I knew by the way his eyes went far away and empty sometimes- that man was capable of terrible things if necessary.

I knew I needed to check on Jeongin. I was the only one with any real understanding about what he was going through. I sighed, relaxing in Minho's favorite chair, drinking a fresh espresso, thinking about how much I didn't want to think about my best friend being hurt like I had been. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on anything else. The birds sang outside the window, delighting about another warm sunny day. I wished I could be as happy as those birds. I needed something to remind me how lucky I was before I lost myself in dark thoughts again. 

My salvation found me.

"Mmm. Looking like a snack today, Baby." Jisung's teasing voice whispered in my ear. His hands found my shoulders, kneading the muscles gently. I felt myself relax almost immediately at his touch.

"Good morning, Ji." I replied softly, not opening my eyes, liking how the tone of his voice made my skin tingle. I knew he was leaning over the chair behind me and his proximity was the perfect distraction.

"Ji?" He pouted. "Why aren't I Baby anymore?" He whined, his teeth toying with my ear lightly. He switched to soft kiss over the back of my neck, making me shudder at how ticklish it made me.

"You are Baby." I replied with a hint of sarcasm- teasing him right back. His hand roamed lower, moving down my chest and over my abs until his fingers were toying with the waistband of my pajama pants.