Make You Feel My Love

Feel

Chan POV

Jeongin hadn't stopped touching me since Seungmin left an hour before. His arms were firmly wrapped around my waist, his head on my stomach as we lounged on the bed, watching couture runway shows on our tv.

Fashion was one of my boyfriend's comforts and I had a feeling watching something low key but interesting to him would keep him content and wrapped around me. To be honest, I was half watching- more interested in the way the sun pouring through the window was setting his ginger hair alight every time he shifted even slightly. 

He was so perfect. 

Handsome and cute- sassy and sincere. He was exactly what I needed, what I craved more than anything in the world. And I was counting my blessings that he was even in the same room as me, let alone that he was my fiancé.

His fingers were making small circles on the skin of my lower stomach- the intent not sexual at all- but the way his long fingers trailed lower every so often was not helping my brain think innocently. I need to stop him soon, before my body got too excited for something that was not going to happen. 

That couldn't happen.

I understood if Jeongin didn't want to be intimate- his brain was going through a lot and sex was not something he needed to feel was necessary- something he never had to want ever again, if that's what he needed. I still felt immense guilt- knowing deep in my core that if I had just been less self-absorbed that night, if I had pulled him into my lap and cuddled him- peppering his face with kisses while I finished my song for him that he wouldn't have gone out alone, been hurt.

No amount of him refusing my self-loathing was going to change my feelings and I knew I  deserved his hatred, not his love. 

My eyes were trained on the back of his head as I found myself lost in thought. I reached out, my fingers threading through his soft, thick hair, lush and fragrant. It was selfish- touching him, but I wanted to remind him I loved him, even in small ways.

"Mmm." He sighed contentedly. I smiled. He hadn't made that sound for a few days. Seungmin's visit had seemed to awaken him, turn him back toward the path of....healing at least.

I huffed out a small laugh, not wanting to speak and break the moment. He was touching me. I was touching him. He was happy, calm and there was nothing I needed beyond that.

"I like that jacket." He murmured low, pointing at the screen. I looked up, seeing the long leather coat, noting that it was very him.

"Mmm-hmm." I agreed, nodding even if he couldn't see. "You'd look great in that." I commented and I saw as his face changed shape with a smile. "I love you, Kit." I said for the millionth time- it didn't track with our conversation, but I needed to say it. Besides, there was never a bad time to say I love you.

His smile widened and he rubbed his face against my stomach, his cheek rubbing against my stomach where my shirt had bunched up. His face was slightly scratchy- he hadn't shaved that morning and the feel of his stubble against my belly  sent a shock wave through me. "I love you too, Channie."

I frowned, not liking this new refusal to call me a pet name. I shouldn't have joked with him in the tub the other day- I was just giving him options, knowing he'd been teased for the nickname he'd given me. He hadn't called me Oppa or even Baby since. I didn't think it would make him uncomfortable. I missed the way his voice changed when he used the term of endearment. He always smiled before. Both of us knew full well that 'Oppa' wasn't correct in anyway way- and it was wrong to use in a sexual way- but it had become a joke of sorts... something only we understood and that was all that mattered.