Chapter ~ 44 { In the Stillness of Longing 🫀 }

351 39 25
                                    

Sidharth lay wide awake, his mind refusing to find peace as Shehnaaz slept soundly in his arms. Each time he tried to close his eyes, the silence of the night was broken by his restless thoughts. He tossed from side to side, his heart heavy with a mix of emotions he couldn't quite untangle. 

The minutes stretched into hours, and eventually, he found himself slipping out of bed, the cool night air greeting him as he stepped onto the balcony. Lighting a cigarette, he inhaled deeply, the smoke curling into the darkness. His gaze drifted back to Shehnaaz, her face serene in the soft glow of the moonlight.

A wave of guilt hit him as he thought about how much of a double standard he had become—he cared for her deeply, but he couldn't come to terms with the kind of person he was turning into. The conflicting feelings inside him kept him awake, even when everything else around him was quiet and still.

 The conflicting feelings inside him kept him awake, even when everything else around him was quiet and still

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Sidharth's POV:

Why do I keep doing this to her? One moment, I tear her apart, say things that cut deep, leaving her shattered. And the very next, I'm right there, trying to piece her back together, begging for her forgiveness, holding her close like I can erase the damage I've done. It's like I'm two different people—one who hurts her and one who can't stand to see her in pain.

Aggghhhhhhh, This frustration is eating me alive. I hate myself for making her go through this cycle over and over again. She deserves so much better, yet here I am, dragging her into my mess, unable to stop myself. I can't keep doing this to her, but I don't know how to break the pattern. It's like I'm stuck in this twisted loop, hurting the one person I care about the most.

Care? Did I just accepted that I care about her? Do I really care about her? Do I? No. No, no, no. Sidharth, don't fuck this up again. Please, don't go down this path. Not again. Love isn't your fucking cup of tea—stop fooling yourself. You've been here before, and it only ends in disaster. I can't keep pretending that I'm good for her when I'm clearly not. I need to stay away from her, at any cost.

But But ..But how? How do I let go when every part of me wants to hold on? I can't leave her, but she has to leave me. She needs to walk away from this mess before I drag her down with me. God, I'm tearing her apart, and I hate myself for it, but I can't stop. The only way to save her is to let her go, but the thought of losing her feels like a knife twisting in my gut. I have to push her away, even if it destroys us both.

POV ended

Frustrated and desperate for a distraction, Sidharth stormed out of the room and headed straight for his study. He needed something—anything—to take his mind off the torment inside him. Without thinking, he grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. The screen flickered to life, and almost instantly, the headline caught his eye: "Mr. Ayaan Deol, a Cheapster and a Womanizer."

Sidharth's breath hitched, and a slow, dark smirk spread across his face as he watched the news anchor tear into Ayaan's reputation. There it was—his revenge, plastered across every news channel for the world to see.

The Office Night (SidNaaz)Where stories live. Discover now