𝕬𝖘𝖞𝖑𝖚𝖒 ; ɴɪɴᴊᴀɢᴏ ᴍᴀʟᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴꜱᴇʀᴛ.

S2, 2 | scars | 2

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
➥ Warning: Angst
➥ Pov: 1st

I sank to the floor, my limbs curling inwards as I cradled my knees against my chest. My body, a testament to the toll my recent ordeals had taken, yearned for respite. The white walls of my sterile chamber seemed to close in around me, the emptiness echoing my own sense of desolation.

My gaze flickered restlessly, darting from the unblinking camera in the corner to the door that stood, for now, the only barrier between me and the world beyond. The weight of my despair, the lingering heavy cloak of fear and self-doubt, left me feeling as if I were drowning in the depths of my own despair.

My gaze, wandering and aimless, came to rest on the granola bar that Jay had thoughtfully left for me. In the stillness of the night, or perhaps in the fleeting moments between dreams, I had indeed reached for it. Yet the desire to consume it, the innate urge to nourish my body, was absent. My body, a vessel that had been violated, did not feel like my own, and thus the instinctual need to care for it was stifled.

Closing my eyes, the weight of regret and remorse settled heavily upon my chest. As I reflected on the recent past, my thoughts drifted to Morro, a Ninja who, like the others, had come to my aid. The memory that surfaced was one of a heartfelt plea, a desperate attempt to shield myself from further pain by pushing him away. I had asked him not to touch me, to leave me alone, my words laden with the bitterness of my suffering.

The image of Morro's heartbroken expression, the pain etched in the lines of his face as he complied with my request, brought a fresh wave of anguish. I felt an acute sense of guilt, understanding that I had wronged him, that I had denied him the simple act of compassion that he had offered. I made him feel like the monster i once tried so hard to tell him he wasn't.

The silence that pervaded the room was shattered as the door opened, admitting a sliver of light and revealing Kai, his smile a beacon of warmth in the midst of my turmoil. It was as if he sensed the fragility of my spirit, for his greeting was soft, tender, a gentle caress for my shattered psyche. "Hello, handsome," he said, the affection in his voice clear despite its hushed, considerate tone.

Unable to meet his eyes, I cast my gaze to the ground, my heart heavy with the weight of my emotions. The words that tumbled from my lips were a heavy sigh, a tangible expression of my frustration and self-loathing. In my helplessness, I was acutely aware of the burden I had become, the sense of being a weight on the shoulders of those who sought only to uplift me.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?" Kai inquired, his grin a testament to the unwavering optimism that seemed to characterize his nature. Yet, as his words reached my ears, a sense of incredulity overtook me, and without hesitation, I rolled my eyes in a silent rebuke.

In that moment, the question seemed preposterous, an ironic twist in the wake of my recent ordeals. The violation I had endured had left me feeling sullied, not just in a physical sense, but also in the way it had tainted my very essence. I was dirty, not gorgeous. "You don't have to lie." i state.

Moreover, the self-inflicted scars that marred my body were a testament to the turmoil that raged within, a physical manifestation of the emotional pain that consumed me. The jagged lines that traced their way across my skin were a far cry from the pristine, flawless image one might imagine when using the word "gorgeous."

Kai's brow furrowed as he tilted his head inquisitively, his confusion palpable. "Lie?" he questioned, the word hanging in the air between us like a gentle, yet perplexed inquiry. "What am I lying about?"

Feeling the weight of his gaze, I closed my eyes and looked away, my voice laced with bitterness as I replied, "Gorgeous, handsome. Those words, don't use them on me."