✰𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝✰- 𝐃𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧

✰𝟒. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐝

✰𝐌𝐚𝐲

✰𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:✰

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡.

I felt myself start to disconnect and become detached from my current surroundings. I really did like Buck, he was a good boss to me I thought, and he was a good guy despite a few flaws, but I really hated him for saying that. Why would he bring that up? Especially right now when all I want to do is get behind the bar and pour the liquor out of the bottles for money that I'm currently loosing out on because I can't snap out of my current state.

The night that Buck was referring to was the night in last April, when I was 15 years old. I couldn't remember the exact date, and I really did hate myself for it. The date just disappeared from my mind, it seemed like a distant memory that I can't seem to see vividly. I wanted so badly to remember the exact date but Buck couldn't remember it either and I was too scared to ask anyone else out of fear of being labeled a bad person or people thinking that I didn't care enough. I resented myself for not being able to grasp the exact day that my friend died on.

Back in the day I used to attend parties very often, back when I drank at the bar that I currently worked at. I never went alone though, I would always bring someone with me. Whether that be a random girl from school or someone I knew better, but I mostly went with my best friend, Charlotte.

The events of the night were vivid in my head, almost like I was experiencing them again, almost like I was watching a horror movie and the protagonists best friend looked just like me. We were drinking, probably the first drink of the night. After a few sips from both of us we both decided that the drink had something wrong with it and sat it down, but it was too late.

We both leaned on each other for support and the next thing I knew I woke up in a different room. It was a basic bedroom upstairs at Bucks place, someone clearly slept there every night. I groaned upon waking up and feeling my aching head and body, and my thigh which had a pocket knife stuck in it. Upon noticing the knife sticking out of my thigh, I acted much quicker and practically jumped up.

What I saw took me back down to my knees immediately. What I saw was my best friend beside of me, an uncountable amount of stab wounds near her stomach and other vital organs. I was thankful I was already on my knees because it made it much easier to grab her wrist and feel for a pulse, but there wasn't a pulse. There wasn't anything. No body heat either. She was cold, cold and lifeless.

I couldn't accept it, it couldn't be real. I started performing CPR, I don't know why I started doing that. Even the most naive girl in the world would've known that she was dead by just a look at her face, there was no color in it. I couldn't control my emotions once my logic kicked in. I broke down crying and convulsing on the floor, next to my best friends lifeless body.

I couldn't help anything in that moment, it was still mostly a blur to me anyway. I just know that I was crying and being so loud that I attracted the whole party to the upstairs. Buck threw open the door and I clung onto him as I continued to bawl. "She can't be dead Buck. It can't happen." I remember yelling at him. He couldn't control it though, but I didn't have anyone else to yell at. It was clearly a murder and there were no suspects in the room.

Buck called 911 and let me use him to absorb all of my tears. Me and Buck were blocking the doorway but people were trying to look in to see the scene. People were also trying to look at me, they were acting like I was a spectacle or a street show begging for tips.

The ambulance and police both arrived eventually and I was lugged off to the hospital as I screamed and cried. The doctors kept trying to cover my mouth and inject things in me to calm me down but I don't think I was going crazy at the time, they just weren't listening to me that's all. I was begging for them to let me say goodbye, all I wanted was to say goodbye. Even if she couldn't hear me I was convinced that she could. To this day I still resent medical professionals.