✰𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝✰- 𝐃𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧

✰𝟏𝟗. 𝐀𝐢𝐧'𝐭 𝐍𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐎𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐚

✰𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞

✰𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:✰

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬!

The three weeks had came and gone, leaving me with joy and a feeling of emptiness. Like a puzzle missing a crucial piece.

Dally drove the car and parked it in the spot closest to the door that wasn't reserved for wheelchair users, today was my hopefully final doctors appointment. They would either take away my crutches or make me rely on them for a couple more weeks. If I was honest, I didn't know what I wished for the outcome to be.

I had grown used to Dally's presence. I had grown used to him sleeping beside of me in my bed, he kept me warm in the small mattress. I had grown used to him fetching me glasses of water and pain pills. I had grown used to him watching me like a hawk whenever I walked, and if he didn't stare at me like I were a criminal he would carry me around. I had grown used to being a dependent. I had grown used to him always being there.

The realization made my stomach curl. I wasn't supposed to rely on others, and I didn't like to either, but I had grown used to Dally. I was used to him always being there, he was there almost constantly, only leaving for the store twice or so a week. Returning with a small amount of groceries and cigarettes each time. I didn't want him to leave. It was just plain fear. I feared that if he left my home he would never come back. I feared that we would return back to like we were before I crashed, a blurred line between friendship and love interests.

It was like when you were a child and wished to get hurt so people would pay attention or care about you, except I was sixteen years old and my behavior was becoming embarrassing. I knew better than to try that as a child though. I remembered the one time I jumped off the swings at the playground and sprained my ankle, I was limping horribly but my mom made me go to school anyway. The nurse sent me home early because of how bad the pain and swelling was, my mom picked me up high and I was embarrassed as the office ladies watched her sign the papers on the wrong lines. Then, as if the shame wasn't enough, she screamed at me for faking it. It wasn't fake.

I knew when Dally left the house it would just be me there and I would be left with an eerie silence in the house. I convinced myself that was what I was scared of, the loneliness and silence, but I knew that it wasn't truly that. I was scared of Dally leaving and never returning. I didn't want to lose him.

He became like my roommate, it was apparent when Buck dropped off a trash bag of clothes, money, and cigarettes for him. He used my shower, he used my stove, he used my bed. I didn't want him to leave, then I would be left alone again. With no shot at being his girl and him with loads of gossip about what a slob I am. My shame for my home never went away and only seemed to grow with each night that Dally fell asleep in my bed, I was sure he muttered to himself about what a wreck the place was, but I wouldn't blame him if he did.

When he left I would be alone with my own thoughts and he would return to his normal life of flirting with girls and drinking away the hours of the night. He would play pool with a new girl on his hip, sipping beer while I poured shots and basic cocktails. The girls would ask where he had been and he would tell them about the crazy b***h that kept him cooped up for three weeks, that would be me. They would agree with him and tell him about how crazy I was known to be. At this point I believed that I was crazy.

I felt close to him, like I had given him my heart and let him decide what to do with it. That's foolish, he would take it and stomp on it surely. Maybe even belittle me for thinking that we were on the same level, that I knew him well enough to be vulnerable like that.