✰𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝✰- 𝐃𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧

✰𝟓. 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞

✰𝐌𝐚𝐲

✰𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐢'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:✰

After my foot was free of glass I decided to look around the room deeply. I was stressed and my foot was hurting so I thought analyzing every scuff on the floor, walls, and bar would help distract my mind.

I wanted to go join the party. I did want to socialize and feel normal again. I've never had many friends but I love to talk, I love collecting acquaintances. But I couldn't seem to move from the couch that I planted myself on earlier. It was mostly out of fear I know but I was also completely exhausted. I would've fallen asleep if I wasn't terrified of what could happen to my unconscious body.

I focused on the bar for a bit which led me to think about why I choose the job. The main reason was because I had to take the first night shift job available in fear of my dad doing something unreasonable to me, but I also liked working there because I liked the peace of mind that came with it. I liked having the peace of mind that every drink that I pour is safe to drink.

My thoughts went into a domino effect soon after, I was now worried that the drinks that I make aren't safe and that they'll kill somebody. I was glaring at the bar trying to make sure that nobody would slip something into the bottles or glasses while I wasn't working. I hated sitting around. I needed something to keep me busy or my mind will keep me busy enough, but not a good kind of busy where you're satisfied. A kind of busy where you're paralyzed by your thoughts.

I felt my mind go blank though when I saw Dally approaching the bar. I knew he was just going to order himself a drink and go back to the main event. I don't know why he cleared my mind. I guess he just gave me something else to focus on and worry about for the time being. I watched as he said a few words to each bartender that was up there. As he made it down the bar top he ran into Buck at the end and he sighed and pointed at me. Dally made a relieved sort of expression and I tensed up from being pointed at.

Dally started coming in my direction and I watched as he did so. When he made it to me he sat down on the other end of the couch. I wanted to sit right beside him but I knew that was a long shot, that wasn't going to happen. "Hey, you want anything?" He asked me. I knew he meant some substance, alcohol or a cigarette, and I did want a cigarette. But I didn't want to ask him to give me things immediately. "Do you have any bandaids?" I said in a joking manor as I pointed at my still dripping foot. I was expecting him to laugh and then offer me a shot or a cigarette or something, but he actually hopped up, let out a few curse words in regards to my bleeding foot, and ran upstairs.

A few minutes later he returned with a box of the cheap brand bandaids and some generic ointment. "Oh you didn't have to get all of that. I was only messing with you, it'll heal." I felt so stupid. Things would be so much better if I never opened my mouth. That's why we'll never be together. I'm forcing him to fetch things for me and I had to bring attention to the wound on my foot. I could've just replied with a simple, "No thanks," but I had to go and make things all complicated for him. I felt trapped and completely embarrassed when he grabbed my foot off of the coffee table, spinning me around on the couch.

I was scratching up my hands as he did whatever he was doing to my foot. My ears were ringing and my vision was blurry besides my hands and the scratches I was creating on them. I scratched up my hands whenever I was nervous, embarrassed, or anything like that. It makes washing my hands a nightmare and it means that I'll never have pretty hands, but I can't stop. I just can't.

I snapped out of it when I felt my shoe come off of my foot, the change was enough to take me out of my current state. I looked at my foot and saw the various bandaids on it, then I saw Dally wiping off my shoe with his black t-shirt. I felt guilty that he had to do all of that and like an embarrassment for bringing attention to it anyway. I would've let it bleed forever if it meant not making it anyone else's problem. I would slowly and painfully bleed out if it meant not causing anyone an inconvenience.

He slipped my shoe back on my foot eventually and moved to the middle cushion after doing so. "Thank you." I told him. "No problem." He said as he lit himself up a cigarette. I desperately wanted to either inhale the smoke or smoke one of my own but I didn't want to ask for one and be rude. "You want one?" He eventually asked. "Yeah." I said as I nodded my head. He passed me one and then lit it with his lighter.

"I thought you didn't smoke though. What happened to that?" He said scooting closer to me with every word. I assumed he was trying to be slick and try and get closer without me noticing but I noticed as he inched closer to me when he spoke. I was happy about it though, I wanted to lean onto him as we smoked the same cigarettes lit by the same lighter.

"I tried that one that you gave me." I told him. I didn't think I needed to elaborate further than that. I had my own reasons for wanting to smoke that I didn't feel like sharing with him and I'm sure he knows how easy it is to get addicted.

He eventually got right beside me and we smoked the night away. I smoked 3 more of the cigarettes making 4 in total and he smoked more than I did. It was then that it hit me that I was addicted to cigarettes or becoming addicted to them, but I didn't really care anymore. I was going to let it happen and worry about coming off of it later. I don't want to be a smoker forever, I'll turn my life around one day I know it.

With my realization that I was becoming addicted to cigarettes I started worrying if I would start partying again. I wanted to do that as well and the two actions felt closely connected in my mind. If I started partying again then Dally might be the next victim. I can't get it out of my mind that Dally will wind up dead on the floor beside of me. Then I'll be labeled as cursed or something, maybe I'm already cursed I thought.

✰𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐝𝐚𝐲!✰