Dangerous Desires

24

And then it hit me, as I stood in the stillness of the hallway. There was one place that always felt like home, a place where I could find comfort and security. It was a long shot, but at this point, I was willing to try anything.

I took a deep breath and turned towards a familiar door. I didn't know if it would be welcomed or if it would offer the comfort I so desperately needed. But right now, I have no other choice. I approached the door, my heart pounding in my chest. I took a final deep breath, mentally bracing myself for the possibility of rejection. Then, with a trembling hand, I knocked gently on the door.

Silence followed for a moment, as I waited anxiously for a response. I started to second guess my decision, wondering if I should just forget my idea and find someplace else to rest. Just as I was about to turn away, the door opened slightly, revealing a surprised and groggy Arsenio.

"It's still our room," I walked inside.

Arsenio nodded, still seeming a bit disoriented and caught off guard. He moved aside, allowing me to enter the bedroom. The room was dimly lit, and the sheets were tangled from his earlier tossing and turning. He watched me silently, his expression a mixture of guilt and hesitation. It was evident that he had been lying awake, unable to find rest after our argument.

"Indira...I-" he began, his voice soft and remorseful, but he didn't finish the sentence. He just stood there, watching me as I made my way over to the bed. The silence in the room was deafening, the tension between us both thick and palpable. I could feel the weight of the argument, the uncertainty and the hurt hanging in the air.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling the tiredness and weariness setting in as the adrenaline from the argument left my body. I wanted to say something, to break the silence, but the words wouldn't form.

Arsenio shifted uncomfortably, his eyes glued to me. He wanted to say something as well, to apologize and try to bridge the gap that had formed between us. But the words stuck in his throat, and the guilt and shame from his earlier accusations made it difficult to speak.

He took a step closer, hesitating for a moment before speaking. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "For everything. For accusing you of things, for getting jealous, for treating you badly... I'm sorry."

He took another step closer, his eyes locked on mine. "I know I messed up," he continued, his voice thick with regret. "And I don't expect you to forgive me right away. But I just... I want you to know that I'm sorry. And I want to try and make things right between us."

The sound of Tenebroso's cries pierced through the silence, causing both of us to freeze for a moment. I sighed, realizing that Tenebroso needed me and I started to stand up. Arsenio gently laid a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "I'll go check on him," he said quietly.

Without waiting for my response, he quickly walked out of the bedroom and headed towards the nursery. I could faintly hear him talking to Tenebroso, trying to soothe the crying baby. A few moments later, Arsenio returned to the bedroom, carrying Tenebroso in his arms. The baby seemed slightly calmer now, his cries having subsided into soft whimpers.

He gently placed Tenebroso in my arms, the baby instantly snuggling into my embrace. As I held my child, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. I had been so caught up in the argument and my own emotions that I hadn't even considered how my actions were affecting Tenebroso.

Arsenio sat down on the edge of the bed, watching me and Tenebroso with a mix of remorse and tenderness. The sight of me soothing my baby seemed to soften his expression even further, making him more aware of the bond between us.

He spoke up, his voice quiet. "You're... you're a great mom, you know," he said, his gaze still fixed on me and Tenebroso. "I've been blind. Focusing too much on myself and my own insecurities instead of appreciating what we have."

As I rocked Tenebroso gently, trying to comfort the baby, Arsenio continued to watch me with a mixture of shame and regret in his eyes. He knew he had messed up, and the sight of me with my precious child intensified his guilt. His voice was soft and remorseful when he spoke again. "I know I've been unreasonable and unfair to you. I've let my jealousy and mistrust get the better of me, and it's caused nothing but pain for both of us."

He paused for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor, unable to make eye contact with me. "I don't expect you to forgive me right away," he said slowly, his voice filled with regret. "And I don't blame you if you don't want to be near me. But I want you to know that I'm sorry. Genuinely, truly sorry for how I've treated you and for the pain I've caused you."

"I know and it will take time for me to forgive you," I replied.

Arsenio nodded, his expression a mix of disappointment and acceptance. He let out a deep sigh, his shoulders slumped in resignation. "I understand," he said. "And I don't blame you for taking your time. I know I've messed up, and it's going to take time for me to earn back your trust and forgiveness."

He sat there quietly for a moment, watching me with Tenebroso. The baby seemed to have calmed down now, his whimpers slowly fading away as he snuggled against my chest. 

Arsenio's voice broke the silence, his tone sincere yet filled with shame. "I promise you, Indira, I'll do better. I'll work on myself, on controlling my jealousy and insecurity, on being the husband and father you deserve. I won't take our relationship for granted again, I promise."