Hello again (Tommy Lee Fanfiction)

Ch6 Running into Nikki again/learning how to heal

******All warnings apply mention of grief loss and addiction

Phil ended up taking me to Holland first instead of California. We stayed there for a good month. We were near some mountains and we mourned Steve in our own ways. At first, he took on double recording until I came into the studio. He had a bottle in his hand.

"Philip." I said and he jumped dropping the bottle.

"It's not what it looks like."

"Ah yeah." I grabbed a bottle that was hiding but knew where it was because Steve had told me him and Rick had bottles around the studio. "Then what's this eh? You made a deal with me and here we sit in bloody Holland."

"Luv it was just a sip."

"Bull. You're not the only one dat lost someone they loved more than anything in this world. I lost Steve and a baby, but you don't see me drinking me sorrows away."

"Baby? Steve got you pregnant?" I held the bottle and looked at it.

"You know what fuck it. Maybe drowning your sorrows away it's so bad."

"Take one drop of dat and we'll tie you to the table and make you drink 30 gallons of it." Rick said behind me. I turned around and Joe, Sav and Rick all stood there with their arms crossed. See what I tell you. One shows up they all show up.

"Steve got you pregnant?" Phil kept saying and I threw the bottle at him. He ducked and it hit the wall.

"YES!" I yelled. "And if you want to pour 30 gallons of dat poison down me throat you'll 'ave to catch me first." I said grabbing another hidden bottle. They just stared at me with strange, shocked glances.

"Where are you getting all this booze?" Joe said.

"Why don't you ask Mr. Collens or Mr. Clark? Ah yeah I forgot you can't ask Steve." My anger was back again and full force at that to. "There hidden all over this studio. Don't pretend like you don't know Joe. You bloody knew and Phil's been off the wagon since October. As usual you ignore it as if it didn't matter. Maybe you and Sav should take a look at yourselves in the mirror or better yet all of you 'ave drinking problems. You just all hide it better. So bugger off all of you."

I drank the entire bottle which was whiskey down in four big gulps. I grabbed another bottle by the door and walked out. I went to the hotel, grabbed my bag and took off. Phil had given me my plane ticket so all I had to do was get on the plane and go to California. Only now I didn't know where I was going to stay now.

I didn't really want to stay with Phil and he broke his word about not drinking. I knew Joe had increased his drinking as well from talking to Jackie who told me Karla told her he was drinking more than usual. I didn't care. Before I got on the plane I drink the bottle from the studio down.

On the plane I sat there downing those little airplane bottles of Vodka and Jim beam. They didn't even card me and I was only 19. Soon the alcohol started kicking in. We had a stopover in New York, so I found myself sitting in the bar drowning my sorrows.

The alcohol really started kicking in and the last thing I remembered was swearing I seen Steve help me on the plane. "Come on luv." But he had long jet-black hair but in my drunken mind I
thought it was Steve.

"Stephen, you dyed your hair black. Wicket. So I guess you faked your death so you can start over, eh?"

"Yeah ok whatever you say baby. You've had way too much to drink." I remember I had my arm around his neck and he was trying to walk me on the plane.

"Where are we going baby?"

"I'm taking you home."

"No." I went to stop and fell on the ground. "I'm not going back to London. I hate it there."

He got behind me and put his hands under my arms. "Ok baby we don't have to go back to London. We're moving to LA anyway remember." He lifted me up. "Man, you're really smashed." Which he really said, 'fucked up.'

I tapped his face trying to stand up and started laughing. "You're so cute with black hair but the tattoos Mm even more sexy." I turned around to face him. My eyes squinted and I drunkenly put my arms around his neck. "I want you right here and now."

"Uh." He cleared his throat and his face turned red. He took my hands off him. "Not now honey your drunk."

"Oh, so it's ok for you to get fucked up, silly and drown yourself but I can't."

"Yeah, well I've been sober for a few months darling."

"Lier." If he wasn't holding my hands, I would have hit him. So I tried to kick him, but I was so drunk he threw me over his shoulder smacked my ass and carried me back on to the plane where I threw up on the flight attendant and passed out.

Before I passed out, he said, "She had a little too much to drink. Can I use the phone after we take off?" I had no idea he was Nikki until I woke up in a strange room and seen Nikki beside me. He had his back to me and at first, I thought some weird guy kidnapped me until I looked at his arm. I had recognized the bat tattoo on his shoulder and I remembered seeing it that time I did CPR on him.

I quietly tried to get out of bed, but Nikki rolled over and put his arm around me. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To the loo." He lifted his head up and gave me a weird look raising his eyebrows up. "The bathroom." He let me go and I went to the bathroom. I sat in there on the floor. He opened the door as I just sat there covering my face.

"Nothing happened expect me carrying you to the hotel this morning. You were a mess yesterday."

I stood up getting a small head rush and a little pissed. "Ah yeah well it hurts looking in the fucking mirror doesn't it."

"Sometimes it does and sometimes we find ourselves in places we really don't want to be in but it's up to you to get out of that."

"Yeah well at lease your still alive."

"Yeah because I want to be alive. I understand that you..."

"You don't understand jack. You never had to watch the one you love slowly kill himself."

"No but I do know what it's like to lose a friend and watch another one try to drink himself to death because he can't cope with killing that friend. Or better yet watch my best friend..."

"You know what. I'm out of here." I pushed him on the way out of the bathroom.

"Go ahead. Run. It seems to be your solution if things don't go your way. You leave this hotel room and you're going to be on the streets and possibly end up dead." He said grabbing my arm.

"What do you care? As I seem to remember you ran."

"You don't know nothing about me. And yes, I ran and I've lived on those streets out there when I was your age. Let me tell you something sweetheart it's not a pretty picture. You've never had to be on those streets. I care because a total stranger who had no idea who I was tried to save my life. I care because when you think that no one else does there's always going to be at least one person that does."

"Let me go."

"No." He said raising his voice at me. I went to kick him in the shin, but he caught my foot letting go of my arm. He knocked me off my feet when he let go of my foot. "You want to fight. Then fight me." I got up and went to hit him, but he grabbed my fist. "That the best you got. You can do better than that." He picked me up and body slammed me on the bed pinning my arms and legs. I screamed and thrashed then head butted him. Which really hurt by the way.

He fell off the bed and hit his head. I got up and grabbed by bag. I went to the door and turned to look at him. He looked like he was hurt pretty bad. I put the bag down and went over to him. I bent down to check for a pulse and he grabbed me pinning me to the floor.

"Never check on a person again. Haven't you ever seen the horror movies? That's how the killer gets you."

"Let me go."

"No. I have to admit that was a bold move. Didn't expect that. Why are you fighting me? I'm trying to help you." I wanted to beat the living fuck out of him. And he didn't really have me pinned down that good. I could have easily brought my knee up and pinned him to the floor. Even had thoughts of bashing his head on the floor. It was there I realized he was right. And that I wasn't really fighting him. I realized I wasn't just mad about Steve's death, but I was mad at the world. "Now I want you to reach deep down inside of yourself and use this anger you have boiling."

I kept struggling as Nikki held me tighter this time on the floor. Till I finally screamed at the top of my lungs, "WHY? You swore that you wanted to live. WHY? ARGH." I screamed as Nikki held me
down. "YOU LIED TO ME." Then I started crying. Nikki let me go and pulled me up so that we were both sitting on the floor. He wrapped his arms around me and I put mine around him. He practically held me like you would a crying child.

"That's it let it all out." He started rocking me back and forth.

He rocked me crying until I stopped and said softly, "I probably was so messed up I threw up." He chuckled and pulled back.

"Probably, I'd say most defiantly. You threw up on me, a couple of flight attendants, the bell hop, and the taxicab driver. I never seen someone throw up so much." I couldn't help but smile. "There's a smile. I knew it was there somewhere. Ok uh I have a good friend of mine that has done wonders with trying to help people deal with grief. I've recommended you and your brother to see her if you want. Now you can stay here as long as you like or until you get on your feet at my expense. I know you'll pay me back. Unless you have family you'd like to stay with. I'm having some problems in my marriage so I'm staying here to stay out of the kitchen if you know what I mean."

"You got married?"

" Unfortunately to the first girl no wait second woman I dated out of rehab. I should have went with Demi."

"Youdated Demi Moore?" He shook his head yes. So I took him up on his offer and he was a gentleman. At night he slept on the couch or at the studio when he could get the band in. Seemed they were all over the place. The woman I seen taught me how to heal and how to
put the past behind me.

Two weeks later Phil showed up. "I appreciate your help Nikki, but I would really like JJ to come home with me now."

I looked at Phil seeing he looked like shit still. "No. I got an interview at the school Nikki told me about. My first paycheck is paying Nikki back and I'm finding a place to live."

"On a teacher's salary. This is LA honey." Phil said.

"Yeah and I also help part time at the shelter with Nikki and during the summer I hope to still 'ave me job at the sound board for Def Leppard."

"If not then she could work for us." Nikki said.

"Fine."

"Philip you need..."

"Don't tell me what I need." He left and I looked at Nikki.

"He's your brother. Go help him." Nikki said to me. "Don't worry about paying me back. You can work it off for me at a later time." So I went after Phil and helped him also heal. It was a long process for both of us to let go and to get past it, but we did and Phil even wrote a few songs with Steve in mind. A few went on Slang. I'll get to that soon.

I got my teaching job at the elementary school Nikki's son went to. Then his daughter went to the same school and a year or so later his third child also a son came into my class with Tommy's little boy. Little did I know he was Tommy's son until later, but I'll get to that soon. Right now, we learned to heal and moved from the past into the future.