Survival

#21 Who's going to give up first?

Lila was sitting in a small bistro having a breakfast that was definitely big, she needed something to cheer her up. Pancakes, scrambled eggs, toasts, tea, juice and a piece of cake.

"Bon appetit," said Five, who sat down on the sofa opposite her.

"What are you doing here?" She muttered with her mouth full.

"I hear you miss me... but besides that, I'm here for more puzzle pieces."

Lila was at Luther and Sloane's flat the last two days. And maybe once, twice, or even three times she'd let out a sigh at missing Five. Still, she hadn't told anyone more about what exactly had happened. And as far as Diego was concerned, she wanted to avoid that, too.

"Don't look like that. I missed you too." He sounded quite cheerful, but that was only because he'd finally seen her. Otherwise, he was completely lost without her too, and the only thing that kept him occupied was spinning theories about what had happened.

The waitress brought him a cup of really strong coffee.

"I already told you I have nothing more to say."

When they were in the greenhouse that day, she flashed away again so she wouldn't have to face his questions.

"But then what what? You've already told me the main spoiler of the story, so I'm only interested in the rest of it. I have a right to know since I was there."

"I'd almost forgotten how aggravating you can be when you want something." She took another bite of her pancake.

"What have you got to lose? Didn't you say you wanted me to stay away from you? If what happened is so bad that it's going to drive me away from you, why not take advantage of it?"

Lila put a bite in her mouth and slowly chewed it, saying nothing to him.

"Unless you're glad I'm still hanging around. And you're worried about how I'll react to the whole story. But you know what? You can't tell me anything that's going to drive me away from you!"

Lila scooped up her scrambled eggs and bit into her toast. Five knew that if Lila didn't want to, he wouldn't get a word out of her. And it made him a little uneasy, though he tried not to let it show.

"I'm going to bug you about this every single day, I'll find you anywhere and ask you about it until you finally tell me, so don't you want to make it easy on yourself and tell me now?"

He was patient when it came to things with Diego, but when it was just the two of them, the fact that he might lose her, he definitely couldn't just wait to see if she would tell him or not.

"Honestly? I don't want to." She took another bite.

"There are holes in your story, I couldn't die or you couldn't turn back time. And if I did turn it back, I'd remember it and you wouldn't. It doesn't make sense."

Lila looked at him, then took a sip of her juice.

Five started tapping his shoe on the floor, annoyed that the whole thing didn't make sense to him and that Lila certainly wasn't helping.

Lila leaned back and folded her arms, neither wanting to give up. And neither wanted to give up the other's company.

--

Similar encounters were repeated for the next few days indeed, during which time Five learned nothing new from Lila anyway. She could be very stubborn when she wanted to be, but so could he. And then, out of nowhere, he just didn't show up for a few days and no one knew where he might be.

Lila walked into their apartment, it was quiet, dark, it looked like Five wasn't there. She'd been there several times and he'd never been there. And since she knew his old apartment already had a new tenant, she knew he couldn't be there either. Plus, his cell phone was in the apartment, and she didn't like that it had disappeared so suddenly.

She'd looked on the terrace, in the greenhouse, she'd walked the whole apartment, but there was no sign of him anywhere. And then suddenly he came right behind her, "Are you looking for me?"

Lila turned and frowned, "where the hell have you been the last few days?"

"Here."

"Here, then?"

"Well basically yes, I just jumped forward in time a bit at that."

"Are you crazy? You know how unpredictable it is!"

"So you're angry? Strange."

"Of course I'm angry when you take stupid risks like that."

"Maybe, but why do you mind? Wasn't it you who broke up with me? Who wouldn't tell me what really happened and who wanted me to stay away from you? So I stayed away when you wanted me to, only in the process I also spared myself from wallowing in self-pity for missing you every day."

"So this was some stupid test of yours?"

"Not at all, on the contrary, I find it brilliant now that you've given me the opportunity to ask what exactly do you want from me, Lila?" He stepped closer to her, a certain irritation in his voice, "I'm not allowed to be with you, but obviously not without you either... you send me away, but then get angry when I'm not here. You get angry when I'm around, but then you come looking for me..."

They stared defiantly into each other's eyes.

"You'll have to choose. Either I'm yours completely and then you can do whatever you want with me, or I'm not yours at all and then you have no right to blame me."

"So that's how it's gonna be?"

"Yeah, that's how it's gonna be."

"Why can't you understand that I just want to protect you!"

"Because I don't want that stupid protection! Are you afraid something will happen to me and you'll lose me? And the solution is that we stay away from each other and you'll lose me anyway? I don't buy that, it's stupid!"

"It's not just about me! I wouldn't forgive myself if it happened again. I wouldn't be the only one to lose you. Your whole family would lose you. Besides, I put them all in danger!"

"You can't ask me to understand things that you refuse to fully explain!"

"Because it's better that way!"

"For who?"

"For everyone."

"Ahhh, this can't be real..." he ran his hands through his hair, "no one understands what happened, but it's better for everyone. What's going on here? Are you punishing yourself for this?"

"And if so?"

"You're punishing me too! Are you afraid that everyone will be afraid of you for something that happened? But you're still here, we're still a family... a weird and totally unstable family, but still a family. You're here because you don't want to leave, we're all so intertwined we'll never get rid of each other. You don't want to tell me what happened? Okay. Did I die? Fine. Can it happen again? Okay, fine. I've been on death's door so many times, what does it matter? If you can turn back time and change it, I have nothing to worry about. I'd just rather risk it than be without you!"

Lila started to say something, but Five pulled her close and kissed her.