"She's so lucky to have you, Felix. You're both very lucky."
So, so lucky.
I wish I was that lucky.
"I'm sure you'll find your person too."
But what if my person is someone else's person?
What if my person wants someone else?
"I don't know about that. I don't think I want anyone."
I want you.
And it fucking hurts.
"Hyunjin..........do you - do you like Ryujin?"
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
"Why - why would you think that?"
Why would you think I like your girlfriend?
Why can't you fucking tell that I like you?
Why are you looking at me like that?
I can't have you hate me.
I can't lose you cause you think I'm in love with your soon to be wife.
I just can't.
"I- Felix, I don't like women like that."
And I didn't want you to know.
No one was supposed to fucking know.
This wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.
I wasn't supposed to catch feelings in the first place.
Everything about this is wrong.
He just stared at me without saying anything, and I wasn't really sure if he's okay with this or not.
"I'm s-sorry, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
Don't cry stupid.
Don't you fucking dare cry.
Not now.
Not in front of him.
Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he looked really panicked.
He scooted closer to me, and his palm touched my face.
And oh fuck, this is how it feels.
I haven't been this close to him since they started dating.
"No, no, no, no, Hyunjin. You didn't make me uncomfortable. Nothing, absolutely nothing about you can make uncomfortable. Not what you are, not your beliefs, not your preferences, absolutely fucking nothing."
Why would you say that?
Why would you just say that?
How am I supposed not to love you when you're like this?
"Thank you, Felix. But - can this stay a secret between us? I'm not really -"
"What ya guys talking about?"
At her voice, I felt him scoot away from me. Far away.
Taking the warmth with him.
Leaving me alone.
Cold and alone.
◇◇◇
JinnieRyu:
Hyunjinnie, what will you wear tomorrow?
Me:
Tomorrow?
Lixie:
It's our pre wedding party.
I told you about it, remember?
Me:
Oh, yeah sorry guys.
JinnieRyu:
Np np.
It's nothing fancy, tho, Jinnie.
It's just us and a bunch of friends.
Me:
Right.
Can I bring someone?
JinnieRyu:
Ouuuuuuuuuuuu
Did our Jinnie finally get himself a girlfriend??
Do I get to meet her?
Wait, do I know her?
Did she go to our school?
It better not be Yeji, Hyunjin.
Dating your cousin is gross.
Lixie:
Baby, stop asking him so many questions.
And, you better not be bringing Yeji, Hyunjin.
JinnieRyu:
I'm, sorry.
I'm just excited!
Me:
I don't have a girlfriend, Ryujinnie
I'm just bringing a friend.
JinnieRyu:
I guess that could work too.
YOU ARE READING
please, don't
Fiksi Penggemar"I think he likes my girlfriend." "What?" ° "Go back to your wedding, I mean it!" "You know you don't."
