please, don't

........

I don't know what's gotten into him.
It's like he's not the same person anymore.
It's like I lost my best friend.

And I want to help him.

I don't want to leave him.

I don't want him to leave me.

But it's like he's running away from me.

No matter what I do.

I'm not really sure why.

Or maybe I know the reason, I just don't want to accept it.

"Oh, hey, you're back early."

She hugged me.

It always made me feel better.
She's like my safe place.

"I missed you, Baby."

"I missed you too, Lixie. How did it go with Jinnie?"

I pulled away.

I felt uneasy all of a sudden.

"Since when do you call him that? It's my nickname."

"Yeah, well, he's my best friend too."

Don't overthink it, Felix.

It's just a stupid nickname.

"Whatever, Hyunjin is so off. Something doesn't feel right, and I don't know what to do."

"Well, you don't necessarily have to do anything. Maybe he just needs time. Or maybe he's in love."

That's what scares me.

It scares me that maybe he's in love.

◇◇◇

"So, what did Hyunjin think about you guys?"

I stared at my brother.

I could swear I didn't tell him that we talked to Hyunjin about our marriage.

"How did you know?"

"My future sister in law told me you guys had a reunion last time. I was upset that no one thought of bringing me along. I missed the guy."

Hyunjin and my brother weren't that close, especially since he's older than us.

But the four of us basically grew up together, and Minho was the closest thing to a brother figure to Hyunjin.

"I'm not sure how I feel about my wife telling you stuff."

"Soon to be wife, Felix, she's not yet. And that's literally not the point. Just tell me how did it go."

I let out a sigh before looking up from my phone and staring at my brother.

"I think - I think he likes my girlfriend."

Why does it feel so wrong to say it out loud?

"What?"

The way my brother is looking at me is not helping either.

It feels so wrong.

"I think Hyunjin has feelings for Ryujin, hyung."

"No, I heard you. You just sounded so stupid that I thought you were joking or something."

I wish I was.

"What do you mean? Why would I joke about this?"

"Do you seriously think Hyunjin would like Ryujin? I think you're reading him wrong, little brother."

It's so frustrating.

It's already making me feel bad. You don't have to add to it.

"Excuse me? You think you're reading him, right? If anyone knows Hyunjin, it's me! And it's not like I want this to be true!"

My brother sighed and shook his head.

"I suggest you talk to him. It won't help any of you if you keep believing in this."

◇◇◇

Today feels nice. It feels like we're children again.

Hyunjin seems like he's doing better, too.

Cause when I asked him to hang out, he sounded genuinely happy for the first time in ages.

Or maybe cause I said the three of us will be hanging out.

It's still bugging me.

But now, me and him are sitting on one of those picnic tables while Ryujin was collecting flowers to make us some 'friendship crowns'.

I looked at him.

He was looking at her once again.

With that smile on his face.

"She looks like she's having so much fun."

He said.

Not even taking his eyes off her.

He has never looked at me lately. Even if it's just the both of us, he always avoids my eyes. But he doesn't have trouble looking at her.

"She's so lucky to have you, Felix. You're both very lucky."

This time, he turns to look at me.

And he looks kinda startled to find my eyes already on him.

"I'm sure you'll find your person too."

I don't know if I'm reading him too much, but he looked almost gloomy at the words.

"I don't know about that. I don't think I want anyone."

Liar.

He's always been the romantic one between the three of us.

It doesn't make sense.

"Hyunjin..........do you - do you like Ryujin?"

It sounds so so wrong.

His eyes widened more than usual, and his face became red.

This was not the reaction I was hoping for.

I wanted him to say something.

I wanted him to yell at me for thinking of this.

I wanted him to tell me how stupid I sounded.

I wanted him to get angry at me for suspecting him.

I wanted him to do anything, but just not this.

"Why - why would you think that?"

I don't fucking know.

Just, please, say something.

Say that I'm wrong.

"I- Felix, I don't like women like that."

Oh.