𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 (𝟏)

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟔 | + 𝐀/𝐍

I try to breathe slowly, but it's hard when my body feels like It's about to implode on itself. My head is pounding and my stomach churns with nausea, and my breaths come out in ragged puffs of air. And I try to take deeper breaths, try to stop my body from caving into the suffocation.

But it's not working.

I can't breathe. I can't fucking breath.

I claw at my chest as it tightens more and more, until it feels as stiff as my body is. And my lungs burn and squeeze and I think they're swelling in my body because I feel like I'm about to be ripped apart.

I try to calm down, try to breathe.

But my head is lighter now, and my body is burning. I look around, try to latch my eyes on something different, something to take my mind away from my suffocating body. But I can't. Because everything is white, pitch white.

The floor.
The walls.
Everything.

And it's scary, I'm scared. My fingers are shaky and my knuckles bruised with a dull ache. I try to focus on the crimson liquid dripping out of my nose, and then the metallic taste on my tongue. But I can't. Not when everything looks the same.

I can't tell how big the room is. I Can't tell where the door is. I can't tell if this is real, If I am dying.

I can't see anything except for the sparkling white color and the shadows lurking in the corners of my mind. I can't feel anything except for the tingle in my fingers and toes, and the numb feeling in my body, and the smooth texture of the room as I sit curled up in the corner.

I gasp air into my body. But it's not working. I'm not breathing.

"I-I'm s-sorry.. okay!... I.. I won't.. do.. it.. again!" I tried to scream, but I stumbled over my words as I tried to pushed through gasping air into my lungs.

But I was met with nothing but the sound of my ragged breaths and silence. Tormenting silence. Enough silence to let the quiet whispers in my head taunt me, to haunt me.

And the room began to spin, and I felt my body start to fall to the side, I felt my head fall onto the floor with a sharp pain ricocheting down the side of my body. But it didn't matter as my eyes began to flutter shut.

I fought the darkness away, but I didn't stand a chance against the wistful peace it comforted me with.

Everything went dark.

*****

Ice cold water splashed onto my face, dragging my thoughts back to circle and my brain back to this reality. I leaned my bodyweight onto the countertop, pressing my fingers into the edges of the smooth stone.

I licked my lips and exhaled a ragged breath. This is why I don't sleep, it's not worth the reminder I get every fucking time I shut my eyes and turn my brain off. I grabbed the grey towel beside me and roughly dragged it down my face.