Daylight - Paige Bueckers

we shouldn't have done that

December 15th, 2023

Paige's POV:

As I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, the silence in my room starts to feel suffocating. I turn over, trying to focus on anything but the way I feel. But no matter how hard I try to push it down, it keeps coming back—the regret, the guilt, and worst of all, the loneliness.

I miss her. I miss Alex so much it hurts. The more I think about it, the more I realize I've been avoiding facing how I actually feel. I've been too stubborn to admit it, too caught up in being angry and hurt to acknowledge that what I really want is to fix things.

But can I? After everything that's happened, can I really trust her again? My mind keeps replaying the moment I saw her on the phone with Kate, the shock, the betrayal—it's still so fresh. But then I think about the way she looked at me tonight, how broken she seemed. I'd never seen her like that before.

I sit up, my heart racing. I know I should sleep, but there's no way I'm going to be able to now. I throw the covers off and stand up, pacing the room. My thoughts are spinning, and it's like I can't catch a breath.

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm grabbing my jacket. I have to see her. I don't care if it's the middle of the night, or if I'm still not sure about everything. I need to talk to her. I need to understand what happened, why she was talking to Kate, and maybe—just maybe—I need to figure out how to move forward, with or without her.

I slip out of my room quietly, careful not to wake the others. The dorm is still, and it feels like everyone else's world has stopped except mine. I head down the stairs and out the door, the cold air hitting me hard as soon as I step outside.

My heart's pounding as I make my way across campus, each step feeling heavier than the last. What am I even going to say? What if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if I've pushed her away? What if it's really over?

Before I can talk myself out of it, I find myself standing in front of Alex's house. The lights are off, but I know she's home. She has to be. My stomach twists as I raise my hand to knock, hesitating for a second before I finally tap on the door.

It feels like an eternity before it opens, and when it does, I see her standing there, her eyes widening in shock.

"Paige?" Alex's voice is soft, almost disbelieving, and I can tell she wasn't expecting me. She looks like she's been crying, her eyes red and puffy.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out at first. The words feel stuck in my throat. I wasn't prepared for this—wasn't prepared to see her like this.

"I... I had to come," I finally manage to say, my voice trembling. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. About everything."

Alex just stares at me, her expression a mix of relief and pain. "Why now?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. "After everything... why now?"

I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "I don't know. I  still don't understand why you were talking to Kate. Maybe I overreacted. But... I miss you, Alex. I miss us."