Survival Instinct // Namkook

chapter 11 - Namjoons thoughts

As they continued down the dark subway tunnel, Namjoon’s focus was sharp, his thoughts fully occupied with the task of survival.

The underground was an advantage. Few ventured into these depths anymore. It was dangerous, but so was the world above. The subway offered concealment, a hidden path beneath the chaos of the city. He weighed the risks in his head — food, water, the threat of other survivors, or worse, scavengers with no rules. They’d need to find supplies soon. This couldn’t be a permanent shelter.

He barely noticed Jungkook walking beside him, the younger man’s footsteps soft but nervous in the dark. Namjoon wasn’t thinking about him, not really. Jungkook was part of the deal, part of the equation, but he couldn’t afford to let him become more than that. Attachment was a risk — a vulnerability he couldn’t afford.

The silence stretched between them, only broken by the occasional drip of water echoing in the tunnel. Namjoon was fine with that. Silence meant focus, and focus meant survival. He needed to keep his priorities straight.

But Jungkook, it seemed, had other ideas.

“Namjoon,” Jungkook’s voice cut through the quiet, tentative but determined.

Namjoon’s brow furrowed slightly. He didn’t stop walking, but he glanced over at Jungkook, acknowledging him with a slight tilt of his head. He wasn’t interested in conversation — not now. They had to keep moving, keep their senses sharp.

“That gun,” Jungkook pressed, voice carrying more urgency now, “you’ve been carrying it this whole time?”

Namjoon didn’t see the point in answering, but he did anyway, out of efficiency. “Yeah.”

Jungkook’s question didn’t surprise him. He’d expected it sooner or later. Still, the inquiry felt… unnecessary. He hadn’t hidden the gun, nor had he made a show of it. It was just a tool, a necessity, like anything else.

But Jungkook seemed to want more, his voice rising again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Namjoon shrugged. He didn’t see the need for explanations. “You don’t need to know.”

His words were cold, dismissive, but that was intentional. He had to maintain distance. Jungkook wasn’t part of his inner world, his thoughts, or his plans. He was just someone Namjoon had agreed to protect, nothing more. Getting close would only complicate things. And complications were dangerous.

Jungkook didn’t seem satisfied with that, though. “But I’m supposed to do everything you say, without questions, right? How am I supposed to trust you if you don’t tell me things like this?”

Namjoon’s steps slowed, and he turned to face Jungkook. The kid was pushing now, asking for something Namjoon wasn’t prepared to give. Trust? That wasn’t part of the deal. It never had been.

“I don’t need you to trust me,” Namjoon said, his voice steady. “I need you to listen. That’s what we agreed on.”

He saw the frustration in Jungkook’s expression, but it didn’t matter. The terms had been clear from the start. Jungkook would follow his lead, and in return, Namjoon would keep him alive. Simple. No need for trust, no need for anything more. That kind of connection would only make them weak, and weakness was fatal in this world.

But Jungkook wasn’t done. His voice dropped lower, almost uncertain now. “What about… what you expect from me? You said I had to do what you say. No questions. No resistance. What does that even mean?”

Namjoon could feel the weight behind the words, the hesitation in Jungkook’s voice. He knew where this was going, and he didn’t like it. Emotional entanglement — that was what Jungkook was edging toward. Namjoon could feel it.

“It means exactly what it sounds like,” he responded, keeping his tone as flat as possible.

Jungkook wasn’t satisfied. “Yeah, but… what do you actually want from me? Is it just survival stuff? Or… is there more?”

And there it was. Namjoon could see the flicker of anxiety in Jungkook’s eyes, the way his voice wavered slightly as he pushed for more clarification. The younger man was nervous, probably overthinking. Namjoon had seen this before — people making assumptions, jumping to conclusions, reading too deeply into simple survival agreements.

It wasn’t hard to guess what Jungkook might be thinking. Namjoon knew how his silence and cold demeanor could be misinterpreted. The kid was probably worried Namjoon expected something else from him — something beyond scavenging and staying alive.

Namjoon exhaled slowly, tempted, just for a moment, to put Jungkook at ease. He could have told him the truth — that all he wanted was for them to survive, that he had no ulterior motives. He could have reassured him that this was strictly about survival, nothing more.

But then he stopped himself.

No. Comforting Jungkook wasn’t part of the plan. Letting him feel secure or safe around Namjoon would only weaken them both. Jungkook needed to stay on edge, to remember that this was a dangerous world and that Namjoon wasn’t someone to get attached to. Keeping that distance was crucial.

“I told you what I want,” Namjoon said, his voice sharp, cutting off any possibility of softness. “You follow my orders. I keep you safe. Simple.”

He could see the conflict in Jungkook’s eyes, the way he was struggling with the answer. Namjoon didn’t offer more. Let him wonder. Let him stay on his toes. It would keep him cautious, and caution was survival.

Namjoon turned away, starting down the tunnel again without another word. His mind shifted back to more practical concerns, shutting out the lingering tension from their exchange. There was no room for hesitation, no room for emotional entanglements. Jungkook could question all he wanted, but Namjoon wouldn’t let him in. He couldn’t.

Getting attached, letting someone in — it was a weakness he couldn’t afford. Not in this world.

Namjoon’s jaw clenched. He had to stay focused. For both of their sakes.

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I wanted to showcase how completely different the two are in their initial believes and ways of thinking.

While Jungkook tends to overthink everything and worry about the future, the deeper meaning of things and is living inside phantasies, hopes and dreams — Namjoon is a hard realist.
He takes things as they are and his whole thoughts and doings revolve around survival.