Survival Instinct // Namkook

chapter 32 - out of reach

The day passed slowly, and even though they knew it was a long shot, they spent their time searching the area for supplies. The ruins of the city sprawled out before them, a maze of decayed buildings and broken streets, but Namjoon wasn’t really there. Physically, he moved alongside Jungkook and J-Hope, scanning for anything of use, but his mind was elsewhere, far from the present danger they faced.

Jungkook could tell. Namjoon’s usual sharpness was dulled, his eyes distant. He wasn’t hyper-alert like he usually was, missing small things he would normally notice in an instant. His movements were slower, less cautious, and the ever-present tension that radiated from him had faded into something more distracted, more detached.

It made Jungkook anxious. He was used to Namjoon being the steady force that guided them through the chaos, always a step ahead, always on guard. But today, Namjoon was lost in his thoughts, and Jungkook didn’t like it one bit.

As they rummaged through what remained of an old shop, Jungkook shot him a few worried glances. Namjoon hadn’t said much since the encounter with Yoongi the night before, and Jungkook could see how the memories were weighing on him. It was like he was reliving something painful, something that took him away from the present moment.

Jungkook wanted to ask, wanted to break through whatever wall Namjoon had built up, but he didn’t know how. Namjoon wasn’t the type to open up easily, and Jungkook didn’t want to push him too hard. Still, it was hard to ignore the growing knot of worry in his chest.

J-Hope, on the other hand, seemed oblivious. He was in his usual jittery, slightly cheerful mode, chatting lightly as they searched, though Namjoon barely acknowledged him. Normally, Namjoon would’ve kept a close eye on him, wary of any potential threat, but today he seemed indifferent, like he didn't even register J-Hope’s presence.

It wasn’t like Namjoon at all, and that only made Jungkook more uneasy.

As the afternoon wore on, Jungkook finally decided to speak up. They were sitting in the shade of a collapsed building, taking a break from the relentless heat. Namjoon sat a little apart from them, staring off into the distance, his shoulders slumped.

“Hey,” Jungkook said quietly, inching closer to him. “You okay?”

Namjoon blinked, as if coming out of a trance, and turned to Jungkook. For a moment, he didn’t answer, his gaze unfocused, like he was trying to remember where he was.

“I’m fine,” he said, though the words lacked conviction.

Jungkook frowned. “You’ve been out of it all day. Is it... because of Yoongi?”

Namjoon tensed at the mention of the name, but he didn’t respond immediately. He let out a slow breath, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah,” he finally admitted, his voice quiet. “I just... didn’t expect to see him. Not like this.”

Jungkook waited, sensing there was more. He didn’t push, just sat there, letting Namjoon know he was listening.

“He was different before,” Namjoon continued after a while. “Back then, he was...well he was kind of cold like this...only that I didn't expect to be met with the same coldness he showed everyone else. After all-” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter. He’s not the same person anymore.”

Jungkook didn’t know what to say. He’d never seen Namjoon like this, so lost in his thoughts, so... vulnerable. Normally, Namjoon was all sharp edges and survival instincts, but now, there was something softer about him, something raw.

“Do you think he’s dangerous?” Jungkook asked carefully.

Namjoon was quiet for a long moment before answering. “He’s always been dangerous. But now... I don’t know. I don’t know what he wants.”

That admission was enough to make Jungkook’s stomach twist with unease. If Namjoon didn’t know what Yoongi wanted, that was a problem. Namjoon always had a plan, always had an answer. The fact that he was uncertain now only added to the tension.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, with Namjoon still caught up in his own head, leaving Jungkook to handle most of the scavenging. They found nothing—but at least filled some bottles of water at a small river running through the city, nothing substantial. But the lack of supplies wasn’t what bothered Jungkook. It was the way Namjoon seemed so disconnected from everything, so unlike himself.

By the time the sun began to set, they had returned to the building they’d chosen to rest in for the night. Namjoon still hadn’t snapped out of his daze, and Jungkook’s worry was starting to gnaw at him. He wanted to reach out, to shake Namjoon out of whatever dark place he’d fallen into, but he didn’t know how.

J-Hope, surprisingly, had kept his distance throughout the day, sensing the shift in Namjoon’s mood. He seemed more content to stay out of the way, though his usual cheerfulness had dimmed slightly as well.

As they sat around a small fire, Namjoon’s silence was heavier than ever. Jungkook sat close to him, as if proximity alone could pull Namjoon back to reality. He wanted to say something, to offer some kind of comfort, but the words caught in his throat.

Jungkook’s mind raced, wondering what had happened between Namjoon and Yoongi all those years ago to make him this way.