Survival Instinct // Namkook

chapter 14 - a lost fight

The city stretched out around them, a desolate wasteland of shattered buildings and crumbling streets. Namjoon kept his eyes sharp, scanning every corner, every shadow, for signs of danger. His muscles were coiled, tense, ready for anything. After the encounter with the stranger, he knew better than to let his guard down — especially now that they were vulnerable.

They had lost almost everything in that exchange. He could hear Jungkook’s footsteps a few paces behind him, quieter than usual, his energy clearly depleted. They were out of food, and with nothing to show for their efforts in the tunnel, they had to scavenge again.

Namjoon’s jaw tightened as his gaze swept over the empty streets, and his thoughts, though laser-focused on their surroundings, couldn’t help but drift toward the younger man behind him. Jungkook had been shaken up — he hadn’t shown it much, but Namjoon knew the signs. His body language, the way his shoulders hunched, the nervous glances around him… Jungkook was trying to keep it together, but Namjoon could see through it.

For hours now, Namjoon had tried to keep his mind on the task at hand, to think of only survival, as he always did. But something had changed, and it gnawed at him in ways he wasn’t used to. He had always been good at keeping his distance, shutting off any unnecessary emotions. Attachments in this world only made things messy, only made you weak. Namjoon had learned that lesson early on.

But Jungkook was different. Somehow, the kid had gotten under his skin.

As much as Namjoon hated to admit it, he couldn’t shake away how Jungkook had looked at him earlier, when the gun had been pressed to his head. The fear in his eyes. The way he’d almost seemed to expect Namjoon to abandon him. And that… stung.

Because Namjoon had never once considered leaving Jungkook behind. The thought of letting something happen to him — that wasn’t an option.

He tried to fight against the growing attachment, to remind himself that Jungkook was just a temporary partner, someone who would eventually move on, just like everyone else he’d known. But every time he looked at him, heard his voice, or saw that spark of hope still clinging to him despite everything, something inside Namjoon softened.

“Namjoon,” Jungkook’s voice cut through his thoughts, and Namjoon slowed his steps slightly, glancing over his shoulder.

“What?” His tone came out gruffer than intended, but Jungkook didn’t seem to notice.

“Do you think we’ll find anything?” Jungkook asked, his eyes scanning the abandoned buildings around them. There was a slight tremor in his voice — hunger, exhaustion, fear — but he kept walking.

Namjoon sighed inwardly, his grip tightening on his backpack strap. “We’ll find something,” he replied, a little softer this time.

Jungkook nodded, though he didn’t look convinced. His movements were slower, weaker, and Namjoon felt a familiar pang of frustration — not at Jungkook, but at himself. He should have been more careful, should have protected their supplies better. He had let that bastard take everything, all to protect Jungkook, and now they were paying the price.

But as much as Namjoon tried to bury the emotions, something else flickered beneath the surface. Guilt. He hadn’t just given in to that stranger because it was the smart tactical choice. No, it was because, in that moment, he couldn’t bear the thought of Jungkook being hurt. That realization sent an uncomfortable ripple through him.

It was dangerous to care like this. But as much as he tried to deny it, Namjoon couldn’t help it anymore.

They passed a row of broken-down cars, the silence between them stretching out, thick and heavy. Namjoon’s mind kept spinning, a war raging inside him. Every instinct told him to keep his distance, to stay detached, but that wall he had so carefully built was starting to crumble.

Jungkook wasn’t just some kid he had picked up along the way. He was more than that now. Namjoon didn’t know when it had happened, but somewhere along the line, Jungkook had become something close to... important.

It made him vulnerable. It made him angry at himself.

But it also made him protective.

Namjoon came to a stop in front of an old grocery store, its windows shattered and shelves likely picked clean long ago. He motioned for Jungkook to follow, stepping carefully over the debris. They had to search, even if the chances of finding anything were slim. As they entered the store, Namjoon glanced back at Jungkook, who was lagging behind, his steps slower than usual.

He frowned. “You okay?”

Jungkook nodded, but it was unconvincing. His face was pale, his lips chapped. The exhaustion was catching up to him, and Namjoon knew it was only a matter of time before hunger took a toll on both of them.

Namjoon cursed under his breath, kicking at a broken shelf as they moved deeper into the store. There was nothing here, just like everywhere else. But he couldn’t let them leave empty-handed, not this time.

“Keep looking,” he said, trying to sound more authoritative, though his mind was elsewhere.

Jungkook nodded, his eyes scanning the aisles, but his energy was fading fast. Namjoon watched him for a moment longer before turning back to his own search. They had to find something.

As they moved in silence, Namjoon’s thoughts spiraled again. He couldn’t let this attachment to Jungkook get any stronger. It was dangerous for both of them. If something happened — if Jungkook got hurt, or worse — it would break him. Namjoon had been through that before, and he knew he couldn’t survive it again.

But the truth was, he had already lost that fight.

Jungkook mattered now, whether he wanted to admit it or not. The kid had wormed his way past all of Namjoon’s defenses, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away.

Maybe it was because Jungkook reminded him of his younger brother, of the innocence lost in the apocalypse. Or maybe it was the way Jungkook still held onto hope, something Namjoon had long since let go of. Whatever it was, the bond was there, and Namjoon couldn’t ignore it any longer.

He would protect Jungkook. Not because of their deal, not because it was the smart thing to do. But because he cared.

Namjoon clenched his jaw, frustration gnawing at him. He hated feeling this way, hated how vulnerable it made him. But there was no escaping it now. Jungkook was his responsibility, and he wasn’t about to let anything happen to him.

The realization settled in his chest, heavy but somehow reassuring. He could come to terms with it. Maybe caring wasn’t as dangerous as he’d always thought. Maybe, in this broken world, it was the only thing keeping him human.

“Hey,” Jungkook’s voice broke through his thoughts again. “Found something.”

Namjoon turned, watching as Jungkook held up a can of food, his eyes lighting up for the first time since they left the subway. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for now.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Namjoon’s lips, though he quickly wiped it away before Jungkook could see. “Good job,” he said quietly, moving to take the can from him. “You're good at this..." he noticed.
"Let’s get out of here before anyone sees us.”

As they left the store, Namjoon couldn’t shake the strange feeling settling over him. He had lost the fight with himself, but maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing after all.