Survival Instinct // Namkook

chapter 44 - hold me tight

Namjoon laied still on his mattress, staring up at the ceiling, his mind a whirlpool of thoughts he couldn’t escape. Despite the silence of the night, he couldn't find peace. He thought back to earlier, to the way he'd opened up, shared parts of himself he hadn’t let out in years. There was something about this place, about being with Jungkook (and Hoseok,) that was making him lose his grip on the cold detachment he had built to protect himself.

He sighed softly. What was the point of keeping his walls up anymore? He had tried to remain distant, to keep himself from getting attached, but Namjoon had already lost that battle a long time ago — and judging by how much Jungkook sought his comfort he too was attached to him already.

He couldn’t deny the pull he felt toward the younger man. The way Jungkook would brush his hand against his or curl up next to him, it had broken down whatever walls Namjoon had tried so hard to maintain.

And then there was Hoseok. Namjoon had been cautious at first, but now he was starting to see that the man was mostly harmless. The warmth in him, the humor despite everything, it was a sharp contrast to Namjoon’s usual coldness. Maybe, for once, he didn’t have to keep his guard so high. Maybe it was time to try lowering it, just a little.

The thoughts kept circling in his head, too loud to ignore, too heavy to let him rest. Frustrated, Namjoon sat up quietly and padded over to the small corner of the room where they kept water. He opened a bottle, gulping down the water, the coolness of it soothing his dry throat.

Behind him, he heard a soft rustle of movement, and then Jungkook’s sleepy voice. “Namjoon? What’s wrong?”

Namjoon turned to see Jungkook sitting up, rubbing his eyes as he blinked in the dim light. “Can’t sleep,” Namjoon admitted softly, setting the bottle down and making his way back to his mattress.

Jungkook watched him for a moment, still looking half-asleep but concerned nonetheless. After a pause, he spoke again, his voice quieter this time. “Do you… do you want to lie down next to me?”

Namjoon blinked, surprised by the sudden request. He hesitated, the instinct to keep his distance warring with the comfort he had already begun to crave. Jungkook had a way of easing the stiffness that always lingered in his body, and in the quiet of the night, that seemed like something Namjoon couldn’t refuse.

“Alright,” he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. He moved his mattress closer, and Jungkook shifted over to make room.

As Namjoon layed down beside him, he felt the warmth of Jungkook’s body immediately soothing some of the tension he had been carrying. Jungkook moved closer, gently wrapping his arms around him, their bodies fitting together naturally, and for a moment, Namjoon allowed himself to let go. He draped an arm around Jungkook’s waist, holding him closer, feeling the soft rhythm of his breathing.

It wasn’t long before Jungkook drifted off again, his breath steady against Namjoon’s chest. Namjoon, though, stayed awake just a little longer, his mind finally quieting. He’d lost the fight to keep his distance, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. With Jungkook in his arms, he felt something he hadn’t in a long time—peace.

And, in the warmth of the moment, Namjoon’s eyes finally closed, and he allowed himself to fall asleep, with Jungkook still safely tucked against him.