Falling into the Chaos

Twenty-One: "Let's get married!!!?"

Aditya

Zoya lay against me, her body soft and spent, the rapid rise and fall of her chest slowing as she tried to catch her breath.

My fingers trailed absentmindedly across her bare shoulder, where the thin strap of her nightdress had fallen, and for a brief moment, I wished I could freeze time. Just stay like this – no plans, no consequences, no lies between us.

But the weight of what we were doing started to settle back in as reality crept around us like a storm.

She was beautiful like this – raw, unguarded.

Her hand reached up to adjust the strap of her nightdress, her fingers trembling slightly as she did. And then she said something that shattered the fragile peace between us.

"You’d make your wife... so happy," she murmured, swiping her hair off her face, her tone almost teasing but with a hint of something deeper beneath it.

A sadness she wasn’t voicing.

I froze.

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, the air knocked from my lungs.

"I...—....Stay quiet," I said sharply, more harshly than I intended, turning my head away from her.

My voice sounded foreign even to my own ears, but I couldn’t take it back now.

"Adi..."

But I wasn’t looking at her. I was staring up at the ceiling, my mind racing as realization crashed over me.

We were doomed.

I ran a hand over my face, frustration boiling inside me. "This... this isn’t what we planned, Zoya," I muttered, more to myself than to her.

But I knew she heard it. I could feel her eyes on me, searching for answers I didn’t have.

"What do you mean?" she asked softly, sitting up slightly, her voice gentler now.

She reached out to touch my arm, her fingers brushing against my skin like she was trying to anchor me, but I pulled away, needing space.

"I asked you to marry me Zoe..... it’s not just a deal anymore.... This is... it’s messing with everything...your estate inheritance...Cheeku...our feelings...” I paused, letting that last word hang between us, heavy and suffocating...."I know we both like each other but ...we aren't on the same page,.Zoe.... We weren’t supposed to get involved like this."

My voice was tight, and I could feel the tension building in my chest. I didn’t know how to explain to her that I was scared – scared of what was happening between us, scared of what it meant for our future.

How could I make her understand that? How could I tell her I was terrified of losing myself in her, of losing control over everything I’d planned?

Zoya sighed, sitting up fully now, the sheet slipping down her body as she hugged her knees to her chest.

She didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at me with those deep, light brown eyes that always saw through the cracks in my armor.

"Can we.... Not... Just?...." She faltered, biting her lip..."I mean..." She was trying to say something.

"... You ...what, Zoe?"

"I don't want to think about the future right now Adi.... I came here...for an year...away from everything that could worry me."