Sorry ( Killugon )

My Selfish Desires ( Part 2 )

Kurapika was absolutely confused. He read some more.
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I was the one who got hurt the most but not mentally. I believe killua was the one who got hurt physically and mentally both. I remember, when we fought with omokage, illumi's puppet stole my eyes. It has to do nothing with killua, but the fact that he wasn't able to save me, he thought he betrayed me and for that he tried to take his own life.

The train was about to hit him, thanks to God that I was able to push him from the track at the right time. When he asked me why I did that, I said, " Ditch me all you want. But still, I will never leave your side. " I wanted to add more. I wanted to say you are important to me, I fear losing you, but these words never came from my mouth. In that moment, I knew killua would cry because he wasn't a monster, he had the most purest human heart but he never let me to see his tears and maybe, I never tried to see them too!! Silly me.... haha, I never thought I was so blind.

In this time, I came up with a solution. Killua has trust problems. He fears that, unknowingly, he ever ends up betraying me. He was so determined and looked up to me that he never felt himself worthy to walk beside me and also me, never tried to make him walk beside me. I wish I had done that.

I remember, after that, we used the card and teleported ourselves to kite. I wise I haven't done that. We both weren't aware of that, but unknowingly, I was the person who betrayed killua and broke the first string of our unbreakable bond of friendship.

When we returned from ngl, leaving Kite alone to fight with pitou, I cried in frustration, I knew killua's was tearing up too.... for me, but I never looked at him. The distance between us was becoming bigger and bigger.

When I found out, kite became like a puppet, I totally gone out of control. Only one thing was spinning in my mind.... REVENGE. But I didn't knew back then that I would lose my one and only first best friend. I was about to kill moral, but thankfully, killua stopped me, as always.

" It's my duty to become reckless, and you have to stop me when it is needed, no matter what, ". I know I sounded selfish, but I'm what I'm. And then when I found pitou was helping somebody else. I totally gone mad. And that day, I did the most unforgivable thing. I said 3 sentences, enough to break his heart or maybe, his whole existence into millions of pieces. That day, killua cried a lot, but i didn't know, or maybe I was so determined not to see that. I said, " You have it easy, killua," " you are perfectly calm, " "since it means nothing to you."

In the end, i defeated pitou and took revenge for kite because he was dead but for the cost of my life and our friendship bond. I made a contract that i will use all of my nen I will have in my life to defeat pitou. Killua was there, trying to stop me, but that day, for the first time, he was unsuccessful. I lose my right arm in the fight. I used my last move and after that, I didn't remember anything.

Maybe I was unconscious. It wasn't like i was just unconscious. I lost my life source and was on the verge of death. I knew killua would cry, and the last thing i should do was some comforting words, but i wasn't able to speak.

I remember, when i came back to consciousness again, i felt i was in killua's back. My only left hand was hanging in his side. I use all of my remaining strength and hug him with my one arm. That day, I understood how much i was important to him. He cried and cried and cried. I heard every bit of his breaking down. I never realized he was enduring this much pain. After that, I didn't know anything.

Maybe I was dead, but when i woke up in the hospital bed, surrounded by Palm, bisky, Canary, tsubune, Knuckle, moral, ikalgo, but i didn't noticed killua, When i asked moral, he said maybe killua was still running to find a way to save me.