Found again (HTTYD FF)

★24★

Hiccup sat in his cave and stared into space. Not in his dragon - true - form, but as a half-human. Only a few days ago he had managed to shift form, and since then he had practiced it for weeks until he had completely mastered the transformation and could perform it in a matter of seconds.

The dragon form was not his own, he couldn't get used to it properly. It seemed unnatural to him... After so many years spent on the edge between the human and dragon worlds, he felt like he didn't belong in either, so it seemed strange to belong in one. He wanted to feel like he really belonged somewhere, so badly, but it didn't feel right. To blend into the dragon world and pretend he had been a dragon all his life. He didn't want to live behind a veil of lies and deceit. He wanted to stay who he really was. And he had never been a dragon, he couldn't be a human, so he had to accept what he should have accepted a long time ago.

He was just a freak that didn't belong.

Through it all, he wanted to return to Berk and meet his family. Now that he remembered them, something inside him stirred. His heart began to yearn for the lost bonds with everyone he had lived with on Berk. He had basically lived his whole life without them, without even knowing about them, but now... now he wanted to see them again. His parents and his cousin - even if he hadn't had a very good relationship with him in the past. Astrid, his best friend, one of the most important people in his life.

But at the same time, he was filled with uncertainty.

He wasn't sure if they would accept him. He wasn't sure if he could rebuild old relationships, especially the one with Astrid. He wasn't sure what they would do if he showed up again, if he confirmed their suspicions about him being from their village. He wasn't even sure of himself.

The uncertainty of what was to come made him think about it again and again. The longer he thought about it, the more he hesitated. Should he go there? After all, he had already found a family here, among the dragons. After all, the Alpha had assured him of his importance in the nest, of his specialness. But the feeling that he didn't belong hadn't gone away anyway, it was still there, still made him worry about whether the others would have the patience to keep putting up with him. It still made him want to find others like him, because he didn't belong anywhere else. At least not completely.

A sigh escaped him, bringing him back to reality. He looked at his reflection in the icy wall. He looked much the same as before. Except for a few details. Except for a few unmissable details. The scales on his skin were more pronounced - they were a little bigger, and they appeared in new places; they stretched down his arms to his fingers now, and there were a few more on his neck.

Hiccup was quite happy with them. Even if he wasn't, there was still nothing he could do about it. They would be with him now for the rest of his life. (He could pull them out and wait for the wounded areas to heal and the scales to grow back, more firmly attached to his skin. It would leave unsightly scars, and the new scales would be misshapen. If he repeated the process long enough, eventually, after a few years, the scales would stop growing. And he couldn't do something like that to himself.)

At the same time, the transformation brought other, more welcome changes. Hiccup's senses were sharper, even in their half-formed form, and his instincts were finally working as they rightly should. He found that he had much more strength than before the transformation - when he wrestled Toothless for fun, as they often did, he was able to roll him to the ground. He hadn't been able to do that before - after all, Toothless was a dragon. A dragon weighing multiples of what Hiccup could lift.

He rose from his seat. It was time for him to find Toothless. Toothless was the one who taught him everything, since he was a Night Fury. The Bewilderbeast may have taught him how to shapeshift, but his knowledge didn't go any further. Only Toothless could teach Hiccup everything Night Furies could do.

Before he turned to leave, he transformed into his dragon form. He searched within himself for his essence, which he was slowly becoming accustomed to. It was strange to do this, and it didn't matter if it was his first time or his hundredth. A blissful sensation engulfed his insides and then he felt nothing for a moment until he opened his eyes and the world was a little more colorful and sharp again.

He shuffled uncomfortably. Every time he transformed he felt like he was in a foreign body. He felt like an intruder, an unauthorized passenger.

He came out of his cave and walked down to where Toothless was waiting. "Where have you been so long?" the Night Fury asked as soon as he registered him.

"I was just wondering... I still don't know how to make it so I can fly again. I miss it terribly. And... And then there's the thing with my family and everyone I knew. I can't stop thinking about it ever since I remembered," Hiccup mumbled when Toothless forced him to with his intent gaze.

Toothless grunted pitifully. "You know what?" His look of pity was replaced by the concentrated grimace he put on whenever he thought of something stupid.

Hiccup looked at him questioningly. He didn't understand what Toothless could possibly want. What is he thinking about now?

"We have nothing to do except fly. You're a fast learner, so we could take a day off and figure out how to get you back in the air together. What do you think?"

Hiccup couldn't help but jump for joy. With Toothless' help and plenty of time, he should be able to come up with at least something. Even if it only helped him glide, it would be better than nothing. Even if it took him ages to figure something out, he didn't want to give up because he would figure something out. Eventually.

"When do we start?"

Hiccup could see in Toothless that he was barely keeping himself from jumping around. He was almost as impatient as Hiccup. They both wanted to figure something out, because they both missed flying together and rescue missions so much it hurt. Even Hiccup wanted to attack a hunting ship again. The events of the last encounter with the hunters forgotten for now.

"Right now," Toothless decided.

Together, they climbed up into Hiccup's cave, where Hiccup transformed into his original form with no small amount of relief.

"It looks worse than ever," said Toothless suddenly, and Hiccup realized he was right. All his things usually had their places where they were always stored. Now it was a mess. Nothing was in its place. None of the strange objects, finds, inventions, or tools were where they should be. Everything was scattered on the ground. Some even looked broken - irreversibly so.

"I didn't realize how awful this place looked. I need to clean it up." He picked up the first thing he could get his hands on from the ground. It was a strange thing he'd picked up from a hunter ship. He didn't know what it was for, and he hadn't had time to find out yet. He stared at it for a moment before tossing it back. "But first we have to figure out how to get me into the air."

It's Thursday and I'm here with your Monday chapter! Yay!

I want to apologize for the delay. I have absolutely no excuse for Monday and Tuesday, I had plenty of time, but I just didn't give you the chapter. I had so many things to do yesterday that I felt like skipping everything and going to bed instead, so unfortunately I wasn't able to give you the chapter, well, no further explaining needed. Today I finally stopped hating myself and your well deserved chapter is here! I hope you've been looking forward to it!