Back To Square One - Dan and Phil // SLOW UPDATES

Chapter 21 - Illusion.

There are two types of happiness in this world:
- Real happiness,
And
- Illusions.

Take a guess on what she is experiencing.

Wait no.

Take a guess on what they are experiencing.

--

17th of August 2015. 7:15 AM

It's been months since I last spoke to either Dan or Phil. I don't want to and I don't think they want to talk to me.

Nothing was the same as it was in January. Everything was all nice and perfect, now I'm okay. Every day I smile and laugh but I can't feel the buzz of happiness.

Everyday I joke around but it all feels like an act I put.

-

7th of  July. 2:34 PM

"Well I didn't mean to, Phil!" I shout, not being able to hold it in anymore. "How did you not mean it?!" He exclaims.

"I-I was broken. I was desperate for something, anything! To make me feel happ-" I got cut off by Phil.

"You kissed Harrison! Ha-rri-son. The guy who was such a douche that he kissed you the first time you met him! And you go back and start kissing him back?!" He shouts.

He might as well have steam coming from his ears. Phil wasn't the type of person to get angry on things but when it comes to me and my problems he always goes to overprotective brother mode.

"And maybe if you weren't stupid enough to fucking start drama you wouldn't be so depressed!" He bursts out.

I knew he didn't mean what he said but I believed him. What he said was true.

Seeing the tears build up in my eyes made him instantly regret what he said.

"I didn't mean to- You know I don't mean it. It's not your fau-"  This time I cut him off. "You know what Phil? It is my fault. I know that. Thank you for reminding me, now goodbye Phil." I shut off the Skype call and slumped down on my bed.

I don't know why but I started crying and crying. It sounds so pathetic, I know but I just couldn't stop. Hearing my brother say it made it harder to stop crying because it's being replayed in my mind over and over.

-

That was a moment I wish to forget but I probably never will. But I'm happy now.

I've got new friends that I met. And they are all lovely. Everything is okay.

-

7th of July 3:47 PM

"I know he doesn't mean it Dan." I sighed. "Then why don't you return his calls?" Dan asked.

"Because I don't think he deserves it." I shrugged.

Dan was calm about the subject, unlike Phil. But oddly he clenches his jaw every time I mention the name 'Harrison'. 

"Well he does, he's been pacing around the hotel room for the la- Phil stop pacing I swear to fucking God." Dan groans.

I sighed with Dan. "I mean, I don't exactly mean to kiss him." I muttered. "Wait you what? You said you just met up with him." Dan raised his tone slightly. "Well I-I kissed him." I said, looking down.

Oddly enough I didn't hear a word from Dan but when I looked up he was practically pulling his hair from his head. "Dan I didn't me-"

And then the call ended.

-

I keep saying to myself that I'm happy. I believe I am but I don't completely feel it.

My phone started ringing and I answered it without seeing the caller ID.

"Hello?" I greet in and asking kind of tone. "Hey Am, it's Emma. You want to grab a Starbucks? My sister is finally home." Emma offered. I met her in a park and she was kind enough to talk to me and get to know me.

She's one of those girls that are so kind and sweet that you think she's made out of sweets.

"Yeah," I grin, "Meet you at the usual around.. now?" She giggled, "Of course."

And so I took my bag that was sitting on my bedside table and head out the door with the clothes I had on, a grey t-shirt and black skinny jeans. "Be back before seven dad!"

Phil's POV

"Aw, thank you so much." I thanked the girl, Tarah, who gave me a beautiful drawing of me and Dan. She asked for me to sign her t-shirt and of course I did.

The book tour has been so nice so far. Meeting everyone has been so sweet and amazing. "Can you sign my book, Phil?" Another girl in line asked sweetly. "Of course!" I smiled widely and sign her book.

"I love you, Phil. Don't change for anyone." She said to me with one of the most tender smiles i've ever seen. "I promise." I made a silly face that made her giggle.

I looked beside to me and saw Dan laughing and signing someone's book. Every time I look at him I remember how far we have gone. I always have memories flash through my head and I just sometimes stare at him in amazement.

"Phil?" A voice snapped me from my trance. The person sounded so much like Amity I almost snapped my head from turning it so fast. But it wasn't her. I hid my disappointment with a big grin. "Sorry." I apologised.

The day went on as fast as a speeding car. I was filled with happiness but there is a thing holding me back from feeling overjoyed with happiness.

I glanced at Dan who was on his laptop in bed, the sheets covering him up to his chest. I took a look at what he was doing on his laptop and I saw he was on Twitter. Staring at Amity's profile.

"What are you doing?" I asked him and he quickly switched to another tab. "Just uh, scrolling through tumblr." He shrugged. He's terrible at lying and he knows it but he doesn't say anything else and went back to his laptop.

I sighed quietly and resumed replying to people on twitter.

I've got so many amazing people who like me it's amazing. These people are the reason I smile everyday. I secretly stalk some of the accounts too out of boredom. I mean, it's probably creepy but I just like doing it.

And I'm currently going through a Phan account on Twitter.

@StarshipsPhan: can we talk about phil letters smile?? bc like damn it's like sculpted by angels ok -emma

@StarshipsPhan: ok people brb, grabbing a cup of coffee with amity ok cool see you loves later <3 -emma

Huh.

--

goodness i actually updated omg i'm so sorry but my writers block is gone! praise the lord! 

so imma update this friday whoop whoop

I love you guys to bits and have a great day because you deserve it!

Bye lovely people!

OmfWhuut thank the Lord