Muke One Shots

Hate Hurts

the song has nothing to do with the chapter, it just hurts man

MICHAEL

The hate is everywhere now. Everyone is hating on us because of our new found fame. The fans of the bands we love hate us because they think that we're just some pop boy band trying to seem punk. Some of our previous fans are no longer fans because they think that the fame has changed us. But that's just the hate directed towards our band as a whole, the ones directed towards me are far worse.

Lukes_penguin: Why is @michael5SOS even apart of the band? He just doesn't fit in very well

Hazzabear98: @michael5SOS wouldn't even be able to get a girlfriend if it weren't for 5SOS

Moaninglashton: This is just my opinion, but I think @michael5SOS is the ugliest member

AllTimeLow_fan: He's just punk wannabee, who the fuck cares about them?

Bringmeyourchemicalromance: Me when people call @michael5SOS punk rock *Oli Sykes flipping off camera*

Thejacktomyalex: @michael5SOS should just go kill himself.

And those were just the nice ones. Some were far more descriptive. 

I've always known that I am the least attractive member of our band, I mean anybody with eyes can see that, but I had never thought of myself as ugly. Sure, I wasn't really confident with my appearance, but I never went as far as too call myself ugly.

Now? It's a different story. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without cringing anymore. Every time somebody wants to take a picture, I have to decline and say I will sign something. And it's honestly ruining my entire life. 

The fans have begun to spread rumors that I think I am too good to take pictures with the fans, some think I'll only take pictures with attractive fans, while others just think I'm not in the mood. But in reality, I don't want to disappoint them and I don't want more pictures of me in the world, nobody wants nor deserves to see that.

I haven't been out of room for the last three days. I haven't eaten, drunken, slept, or touched any technology. All I've been doing is trying to figure out what I should do now. I have also recently discovered that my razor is my only true friend. My other friends will judge me, mock me for what I do, but never that little blade of sharp metal. All it does is help me take away the pain, it's the only one who can make the hurting stop.

If you had asked me two months ago what I thought I'd be doing now, it surely wouldn't be this. I would've said something like, "Making the fans happy" or "living life to the fullest". I don't think anybody would suspect this from me, but sadly I'm different now.

I grab the little blade from it's place under my mattress and look at it with curiosity. How could something so little, something so small, change my life so terribly?

I let the question leave my mind as I slide the blade over the delicate, pale skin on my write.

1 slash

2 slash

3 slash

The pain no longer affects me, it's almost soothing. It's like a little kiss from my sharp, silver friend can take all of the pain away, all of the hurt and emotion.

4 slash 

5 slash

6 slash

The blood oozes from my veins like a warm, wet, river. There was a point in life when blood would make me squeamish, but now? It calms me, but also worries me. It reminds me that I am still alive, no matter how numb I feel inside, but there are times I wish I was not.

I lay my head back on my pillow as my vision begins to blur. I smile at the light feeling I feel, as if my body and mind are disappearing into the darkness.

LUKE

"Michael hasn't been out of his room." Ashton states, playing Mario Kart with Calum.

"Sure he has, we probably just weren't around." Calum says, crashing into Ashton with his character.

"Maybe someone should go check, ya know just in case." Ashton mutters, pausing the game and turning to me with a pleading look.

"I'm worried about him, Lukey. This is what I used to do back when-" Ashton shutters, recalling the memories of his depression. "He likes you the most, he'll listen to you, please go check on him."

I nod, not wanting to upset Ashton. I leave the boys to play there game walk up the stairs, making my way to Michael's room.

Never did I expect to see the sight in front of my eyes. 

"ASHTON CALL THE AMBULANCE!"

-

"What if he doesn't make it?" I sob into Ashton's shirt as we wait in the lobby for somebody to call us.

"He'll make it Luke, I promise." Ashton says with obvious doubt in his eyes.

I feel my heart cave in and the tears flowing from eyes. He's not going to make it and it's going to be all my fault. I didn't notice that he had been gone, I didn't notice that my friend was slowly falling into a deep dark whole that would take him away from me.

"Michael Clifford?"

All three heads turn immediately to see the doctor with a sad look on his face and tears building up in his eyes.

"NO!" I scream, falling to the ground. "NO NO NO NO no no no..no please no."

"I'm so sorry." The doctors says, "You can see him if you'd like."

I look up to him and nod. He guides me to the room: 416.

"I-I need to see h-him alone." I choke. Ashton and Calum nod, tears streaming down their face as they cling onto each other.

I walk into the blank white room, seeing his body laying there.

His skin is pale and his face is stone cold. The cuts are up and down his arms, reminding me of how I couldn't help him.

I'm the reason that he's in here, because I couldn't help him. The tears run from my eyes as I cling onto his hand.

"I'm so s-sorry, Michael." I choke out. "I c-could've saved you, i c-could've s-s-stopped you."

"But I won't let you go out alone." I say, planting a kiss on his lips before turning to the window that lead to a busy city street.

I make my way over and unlock the window, opening it, and sitting on the edge. I slowly and shakily stand up, facing Michael.

"I love you."

And that was my last sight of Michael, my last sight of anything.