I am a Blue (series)

No matter what || I am a Blue

Looking up at the sky, I see the clouds casting shadows over the blue gradient. The air gently brushes against me despite the distant hum of something beyond. My head rests on the window stool arm as I gaze outside. A vanilla latte with a whipped cream mug feels comforting in my hands when I smell roasted coffee beans brewed with vanilla cream.

I am looking through the window at myself transparently.

I am Blue...

You may be bemused by my appearance.

I am not a bizarre species different from you. I am very much human.

Nothing is new about who I am, you know. People still doubt me because they believe I am inadequate as a human being.

I persist in being disbelieved by them.

Ugh, the things I do daily have not diminished in any way. I am stronger than I think. My positivity still goes on.

I live a life filled with judgments, insults, mockery, betrayal, pity, and stares at me. Despite all cynicisms, I remain optimistic. I love who I am so much because I am beautiful and unique.

As my vivid memory recalls, I have been bullied many times since I grew up, but nothing is new to me; my family has always hated and loved there for me. I have had no friends, but a few temporary sweet friends always warmed me up; they grew up and became true colors. We aren't friends anymore. I wish I had wanted to keep friends with them. Yet we are now strangers. I understand why their decision, and I respect them. Am I disappointed? Umm, no. I am hurt, but I accept.

The most unforgivable moment of my life I have occurred when I met a middle school student playing outside. I swayed back and forth while sitting on a swing and had no idea when someone tapped hard on my arm. During the nativity moment, when I turned my head, I heard someone say, "You are an alien." The words damaged my shaky core.

I AM NOT AN ALIEN. I AM HUMAN. 

When someone humiliated me for the first time, hatred caused me to despair. I have never seen the word "alien." After being belittled, I lost all sense of myself. My thought always was that I was an extraordinary and unique person. My feelings were down. I was hopeless, and my mind was not ready to return to normalcy. When I almost loathed myself for who I am, my parents gave me a cheerful soul, just as a candle's fire is shared with another candle.

I wish everyone could maintain their dignity and respect who I am without judgment. Otherwise, they should learn more about me, and then they will feel warm and connected to me.  Anyone should never judge strangers, just as one shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Again, I am not a stranger to them, but they are the ones who still pose a problem.

I want to thank my parents, who are normal humans, for accepting who I am, including my two siblings. My two siblings and I are different from the world. We are rare and quirky. I love my family so much.   They have empathized and loved me no matter what. They are more focused on who I am than on my character. They know and keep my spirit safe from a dark thunderstorm that clouds. They constantly check on me and lighten me up every day. Without them, I cannot imagine my life. I'll get wet if it rains cats and dogs every day.

I have lost contact with my two siblings. I don't know where they have gone somewhere. My parents are not infallible; they failed them but saved me. I once painfully witnessed my younger sister being rebellious and disliked who she was. She changed who she was and moved on with her life. I didn't know where she went. My parents and I tried contacting her, but she never replied.

I pray for her and hope she reunited my family and me again in the future. I wish I had checked on her. "Hey, sis, I love your glimmer so much. You are so lovable. Don't worry about others. Just be yourself." That makes her light some candles or have a long, precious conversation overnight to feel better.

On the other hand, oh my god, I damn miss my older brother so much. Sadly, he did not know who he was and was baffled. He looked for work for a long time since the jobs didn't want to hire him. He stayed at the motel for a short time. He often slept outside, didn't eat much food, and didn't have a home. I was grateful and relieved that he was graciously invited to join his cousin's family.

I love to invite him to my house. Whenever he comes, I cook food for him and allow him to sleep in my empty room. He is reminded that he is not alone because I am around him. Though I love hearing and talking about our memories, I miss his humor. I'm sure he will recognize himself and grow to love who he is.

Yes, We are different blues...

With tranquility in peace, I now live alone in a house. Unlike others who rejected me multiple times while I was frustrated in my search for a new home, my house was kindheartedly approved by a rare, generous person.

Excitingly, as I gaze out the window, I notice a bird far away. I know it checks on me as it soon comes to my home. Our relationship has strengthened since I started feeding the bird its favorite sunflower seeds. Since the bird is a rare purple species, we have the same experience and understand each other well. Even though I don't have many friends, luckily, I have a purple bird as my special best friend.

There is nothing more to my life than invisible and unfulfilled wishes. Though I've faced pity many times in my life, I'm still proud of who I am.

I live happily ever after. Although I have been through a lot, I have no regrets. Despite people looking down on me daily, I am still robust, kind, and unashamed. With my best friend, purple bird, and family, I know I am not alone.

I am Blue...

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