Landmine - Post Malone

17

After an hour and no sign of Austin, Dillon eats dinner and then climbs into bed. She had not realized how much time she had spent with Austin and what an impact his presence had made on her that the loneliness that had kept her company for so long now hits her like a freight train. She feels very alone and it makes her cry a little. She knows he needs his space and a moment to fill his thoughts, but it hurts that she can't help him with that. It feels like he keeps her at arms length a little - the thought only makes her cry a little more. So, after a good cry, she settles down in bed and closes her eyes. She does not expect to sleep even though her body is screaming at her for what she put it through today.

But, she must have fallen asleep because she wakes to Austin slipping into the bed. Relief floods her body at him coming back. The irrational part of her brain had her convinced that he would take off. She wants to reach out to him but doesn't want to overstep, so she watches him settle under the covers and place his head on the pillow, his eyes on her, too, as they keep their hands to themselves. "I am sorry," she whispers, blinking back the tears that are already threatening.

"You were reckless and thoughtless with your actions."

"I know."

"Mmmm," he hums. "I need you to speak. I need you to explain it to me...please. I need that," she whispers. "I ain't good with that," he hums. She sits up and turns the bedside light off, plunging them into darkness. "Try now. Speak as if you are alone," she whispers going easily when he curls his fingers around her arm and pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her as she hides her face in his chest. It takes him a moment, but he does speak and the amount of words he uses shocks her a little.

"My mind clouds. I grow angry at the positions you have placed yourself in. Dangerous positions. Stupid situations. You could have faired far worse than you did. But, my fear stacks up even more. How do I protect you? How do I make sure you are safe no matter the circumstance, the uncertainty of that scares me, Dillon. You run through my mind, girl, every second of every hour. You have consumed not only my home and my bed but my heart too. I define the man I am by the way you look at me. I am not oblivious to the reality that my feelings, in their own right, are premature and somewhat reckless. But, they are there and there ain't a dam thing I can do about them."

She doesn't think Austin has ever strung so many words together one after the other in his life. There truly is no grey area with him. He is black or white, it's just the way he is. But, she is not, and while she tries to accept him for the man he is, she won't lie to him and make promises she is not sure she can keep. She has fallen for him; she knows that now, but she is afraid of being hurt. She is still mindful that she does not know Austin. She is learning about him, she wants to learn about him. "The fear that gripped my body at the thought of you going after Luke and placing yourself in a dangerous position is nothing like I have felt before and I know it's because of the way I feel about you. I am too scared to name it just yet But, it's there. I won't lie to you and promise I will never find myself in reckless positions again, but...something has changed..." she whispers.

"What has changed, baby?" he whispers. Dillon pulls her face from his chest and looks up at him. She can only just make out his face in the dark and catches the shine from his eyes. "I fought so hard, never backed down and went head first because I was alone. I had no one...but...I am not alone anymore, so perhaps... it's different now," she whispers, swallowing the limp in her throat. It's not from sadness or anger, it's from relief when it finally dawns on her that it's no longer just her. She has Austin. "Yeah. It's different now," he whispers tightening his arms around her and pulling her in closer. "Thank you," he whispers.

"For what?"

"Understandin'."

Dillon smiles into his chest with that. She is pretty proud of herself for knowing him well enough to give him a moment to swim in his own head. Without thinking, she knows what he needs. "I am a talker," she whispers. "Mhmm, I am well aware," he hums. "How about a compromise?" Dillon whispers, her heart beating in her chest now. "A compromise?" Austin asks; he sounds cautious but interested. "Yeah, a compromise," Dillon whispers pulling her face from his chest once again and looking up at him. "How about I trust you to keep me safe, and you trust me with your words," she says, then grins at him.