Not Anymore

Chapter 15: No Room For Kindness In Their Blackened Hearts [Little Spider's POV]

I had gone to lie down on the hardened mattress, a feeling of warmth blossoming in my chest despite the radiating pain across my back and arms. None of the harsh training and punishments seem to affect me anymore as I am running on the high of knowing that I'm a real person.

That I'm human.

That there is more to me than just what Hydra had written out.

For the first time, I had actually felt content and whole. There had been this unnatural void in my chest that put a heavy pressure over my heart, making it difficult to breathe. I had simply kept my chin down and my eyes trained on the ground for my own protection and survival. I was just a dog they kept on a leash.

James — dad — had told me that I shouldn't ever let the soldiers know what I believe. Because if they know, they will take it away from me. I believe him. With the amount of cruelty they are more than willing to dish out, I know for certain that once they know that I believe that I'm more than just their puppet, that they would beat that thought right out of me.

James is my best friend now. My dad. I know that he hurts me a lot during training, but it's not his fault. They put him under the words and James has no other choice but to mindlessly follow their orders. It's not James that hurts me during the training sessions. It's the Winter Soldier. Hydra's soldier. James is the one that holds me close to him at night and helps patch me up after I come back bloody and bruised. James is the one who wraps my fatigued body into a gentle hug after I was forced to carry tons and tons of weight for hours for the scientists to test my strength. I never had anyone, before, to give my love towards or anyone to show me any move. James was the first. I love him and he loves me back as well.

The rough day ended and James and I went to sleep quickly after the two of us returned to our cell. We pushed our two mattresses together so that we shared a corner and could cuddle in the night time. We slept for the few meager hours that Hydra allowed for our bodies to rest before a shrill alarm rang about, indicating that it was time for us to get up and start the new day.

Before the guards could come, I moved to the other side of the room so that the guards wouldn't find out about our relationship. James made me promise that I never let anyone find out.

A young, stiff looking guard came in, with a stoic expression on his face with two other burly guards behind him. If there was anything that I learned in Hydra, the attitude of the guard showed a lot about their rank. For one, the more arrogant and quick-to-anger guards are ones of low status. They're still trying to prove their position and higher. The higher-ups are more calm and collected. They know their worth and position.

So when I say that these guards were overly arrogant, that says a lot about how I'm going to be treated.

The second the three guards opened the door to our cell, James and I stood up and walked to opposite sides of the room, faced the walls, and placed our hands above our heads. The guards grumbled and gruffed out harsh words in Russian as they walked towards us and harshly manhandled cuffs onto our wrists and locked behind our back.

[This procedure was done as a precaution to ensure that the prisoners will not take advantage and attempt to overthrow the guards.]

James was first taken to go to the bathroom and then I was dragged afterwards.

I utilized every second of my ten minutes allotted for bathroom use before I was pulled out of the room and locked back into handcuffs. The sudden jerky movements made me stumble over my feet and, without access to my hands, I tripped and almost fell over.

The leader of the trio, who had the name Luka written on his uniform, grabbed me roughly by the collar of my shirt. Shocked and face flushed with shame and fear, I quickly snapped my head down so I wouldn't look him in the eye. Luka quickly slapped me hard against the face, his gold ring snapping a cut across my cheek.