"Hey Peter," I whispered, gently shaking the sleeping boy. It was 10 AM and finally he was allowed to be discharged from the med bay. Helene told me to keep him in a wheelchair for the time being. We still don't fully understand the extent of his healing abilities and obviously now is not a good time to test it out, so, just to keep it safe, we are going to keep him in the wheelchair.
Peter quickly woke up, even at the slightest touch. He jerked away and flinched horribly, casting his eyes down as he shot himself off the bed so quickly I'm sure it made him dizzy for a second.
"Woah, slow down! It's okay, you're good. You're safe. You're still here with me, at the tower. Remember? Tony Stark?"
Peter nodded, but still seemed nervous and frantic.
"You are allowed to speak to Peter. And please look at us," Bucky called out from behind me. He was leaning against the doorway, only just entering to find the young spider awake. Peter quickly glanced upwards, hesitantly making eye contact with me before darting away and lingering on Bucky.
"James," was the first thing he said. Bucky nodded, his eyes full of pain, as he stepped forward to wrap Peter into a tight hug.
"I'm so sorry Peter. I'm so sorry. You're free now though. You're with me."
"You- you promised. You promised we would be free together," Peter cried.
"I know. I know darling and I'm so sorry. I failed you. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left without you."
I felt like an intruder in this sensitive moment, but I was also secretly thankful to be here to see this. Never in my life had I thought I would be seeing Bucky looking so vulnerable and close to tears. He always acts so rigid and stiff, as though showing emotion or weakness was a terrible crime.
And that is probably what he was taught in Hydra. Peter too.
After they finally broke away, I helped guide Peter onto a wheelchair and the three of us made it back over towards the common room.
"So, Peter, what do you want to do? We can do anything you feel like!" I told him.
"Don't be afraid to say anything. I promise you nothing will happen to you here. No one will hurt you," Bucky also added, glancing over at me to receive a nod in confirmation.
"Ca-can I please eat something? I'm very hungry."
I almost wanted to slap myself. Duh! Of course he is hungry! What kind of parent even are you if you can't figure out that your kid is hungry.
Woah.
Your kid?
Peter... he already has a dad. With Bucky. Just because you like him doesn't mean you can just take him away.
He reminds me so much of my own Peter. The one I never got to see grow up.
"Yea sure buddy, I'll go make you something," I told him.
"Do you mind if I go ahead and actually do that?" Bucky interjected as I went to stand up. I actually felt some anger rise inside me. Why was he taking me away from doing this for my kid?
Not your kid!!
"Sorry," Bucky continued. "It's just, back there, I promised Peter that once we're out together we would try burgers. I want to make that promise true."
I was just about to say that I could make burgers for all of us, but seeing the hopeful eyes shining in Peter's sweet, small face made me cave in.
"Yea, sure thing Buck, go ahead."
I settled back onto the couch, with Peter sitting beside me, the wheelchair just left empty on the side.
"Mr. Tony, can I ask you a question?" Peter whispered, in such a small voice.
"Yea, of course!" I exclaimed, excited that he was willingly talking to me.
"You keep on calling him Bucky but I call him James. Which one is right?"
"Well, he always told us to call him Bucky, but James seems like a special name that the two of you have between each other. You should continue calling him James because that's just what seems special for you both," I responded. I noticed it as well. No one ever really seemed to call Bucky his actual name, but every now and then I do see him rubbing his thumb over his broken dog tags from his time in the army. Maybe it was too painful for him to think of himself as James when he only had fragmented memories of a small child calling him James.
I could never imagine being in Bucky's situation. Imagine serving the military only to get kidnapped and forced to work for the evil organization for decades, being brainwashed, tortured, and hunted down. I can't imagine a small, pained figure of Bucky experimented on and thrown into a cell without memories, just looking at a dog tag with a name that he doesn't even recognize.
Peter went through this too.
No, Peter had it worse. He doesn't even remember who he is. All he remembers is Hydra.
Peter and I continued making small talk. I could tell that Peter was slightly uncomfortable, but was slowly warming up to the whole talking thing. Though I did take special precaution to not use my normal sense of sarcasm or weird jokes in case it freaked him out. I also tried not to make sudden movements so he wouldn't flinch.
Every time he flinched it felt like a stab to the heart.
Bucky eventually came back with a plate filled with three burgers. Nothing made me happier in the world than when Peter took his first bite of the burger and how his face lit up with excitement.
I would do anything to make sure that that happiness stays with him for the rest of his life.
YOU ARE READING
Not Anymore
FanfictionS-20 has only ever known one thing, Hydra, until one man came into his life and showed him that there was so much more. That man was his first friend. His older brother. But after one night, the two were ripped apart and S-20 cannot even remember hi...
