My head was pounding and I had no idea where I even was when my eyes started to blink open. Lights were bright against my sensitive eyes and I could feel a wave of nausea and pain riding up my throat. As my vision started to focus in, I saw a faint outline of a hospital room. Fear draped over me.
Oh.
I was back in Hydra.
Had I ever even left? Was everything that happened to me just a dream that I made up in my head after I passed out from pain and exhaustion in the middle of one of their operations? Was I so desperate for escape and freedom that I made up a family for myself to care about me?
Wait.
Family??
I barely knew these made up people for a few days and I think of them like family? More so than Hydra, where I spent my entire life?
Hydra is family
HAIL HYDRA
Hydra is life
YOU LIVE TO SERVE HYDRA AND HYDRA ALONE
I didn't want them to know that I was awake because then the pain would just get worse, so I forced myself to keep my eyes shut. I tried to hone in on where the pain was, but other than the furious headache that I have, I couldn't really pinpoint a place where they were cutting me open.
So where was I really?
I'm never allowed to just sit in the hospital for recovery. After stitching me up, they dump me back in the cell with a few basic medical cleaning supplies so my wound doesn't get infected. I have a few hours, max three, to myself before I need to head back for more training.
Panic settled into my chest. What if I was being held here because of disobedience? Did they think I did something wrong and they are keeping me here to punish me later? What if they want to do more experiments? I–
Wait. How could I even disobey them if I was under the words?
How can I even think like this if I was under my words?
The things they did to me after James escaped and I couldn't... let's just say my words were a little different.
How am I thinking like this? Did I break out of my words?
"Peter," a soft voice called out from beside me. My eyes flew open in surprise. My name. My dream name. How does he know my name? "Peter, breathe. You're okay. You're free. Remember? You made it out. You met me, Tony Stark. You live with me now."
Tony. tony.
TONY.
Yes. TONY. The man in my dream.
Dream. Real.
Reality.
What is my reality?
Where am I?
"Peter," the voice called out again. I forced myself to drag my eyes towards the source of the sound. Was this real? Or was this Hydra's cruel way of somehow reading my dreams and tricking me. My eyes settled on a kind, tired looking man. His eyes looked worried.
Worried for me.
I tried to mouth out a word, but the sound wasn't coming out.
- --- -. -.--
Tony.
.. .- -- .... . .-. .
I'm here.
I found myself close to tears once I realized I wasn't back in Hydra. I can't go back to that pain. That loneliness.
I slowly started to remember the face of the man I saw before I passed out.
James.
JAMES.
"Dad," I croaked out, my voice raspy and hoarse. I cringed at the sound, but James still snapped to attention at hearing his name. He walked over towards me from his position in the corner of the room, as silent as ever. His eyes were filled with so much emotion as he looked me over like he did when I was younger, scanning me for injuries. I saw the way his hand trembled slightly, a tic that he learned to control for Hydra but came out randomly when he was extremely stressed. "Dad."
"Hi my little spider," he whispered. His voice sounded exactly like I remembered. All the stories. All the love in the sound that gave me the strength to push through the two years I spent alone.
"I'm glad you made it out that day," I forced myself to say, realizing that I truly was happy that he got out. James has been there for decades. He deserved freedom, even if it was at the cost of my own.
"Darling, please don't say that I- I didn't mean to leave you there that day. After the blast, I couldn't find you again. I thought you died under the rubble."
"It's okay. It's okay dad. It's all going to be okay."
I found myself pushing myself over to the side of the bed, curling inward so that I would take up less space. Getting the hint, James fit himself on the other half without hesitation, quickly wrapping me in a hug.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, so softly that I only caught it with my enhanced hearing. "I'm so sorry."
He repeated it until his throat was dry. I pretended to not notice the tears that slipped from his eyes or the ones that leaked out from mine as well.
I thought back to all the stories that James had told me about the real world. All the promises he made about what we would do when we're free, together.
This is my life.
And I think it's finally my time to start living.
YOU ARE READING
Not Anymore
FanfictionS-20 has only ever known one thing, Hydra, until one man came into his life and showed him that there was so much more. That man was his first friend. His older brother. But after one night, the two were ripped apart and S-20 cannot even remember hi...
