Not Anymore

Chapter 23: In My Dreams My Life Comes True [Peter Stark's POV]

After spending the day with my new dad, even though it ended in a panic attack, was actually extremely nice. He... he loved me, I think. Or he loves me, actually, at least he says he does.

He said he never stopped looking.

I believe him. He showed me the paternal test and I do believe him in terms of the idea that I am actually his son. But everything he said after, that was a little harder to stomach. I spent my entire life being told that I wasn't a person and that no one loved me.

You are just a tool for Hydra to use and nothing more S-20!

But seeing the way he talked and his love and affection, it reminded me of how James cared for me. James had his flaws, but he loved me. He was my dad. And, even in just a few days of freedom, Tony had shown me the same thing that James did.

That I was something worth loving. Broken or not.

Besides, Hydra has worked for centuries trying to be the hidden power that takes everything and all the good down. I don't even know the base I was kept at, but I'm pretty sure the location was not common knowledge. I can see why it was so hard for Tony to actually find me. Look at James for example. All of these people are his friends as well and they only found him two years ago.

Anyway, after the long day, I decided to head onto bed. I decided to try to sleep on the bed tonight, just to see how it feels.

"It's good, Peter," dad (James) told me. "It's soft and nice. Trust me. It took me some time to get used to it as well, after all the hard floors and mattresses at Hydra, but it is nice. You won't get hurt. No one will attack you. No alarm bell at random times to wake you up. Sleep peacefully. Come, I will even tuck you in."

James led me over to the bed that Tony showed me was mine. Tony promised me, though, that they would move me to a room closer to all of them and that I can decorate it however I want.

I was family now.

James tucked me in, just as he always did when I was younger, playfully shaking the blanket over me so I was fully covered and under this huge bubble. He used his hands to tuck the blanket underneath me, cocooning me into a tight wrap of baby green cotton.

"Good night, my little spider," he whispered, leaning in to kiss me on the forehead. I merely smiled, not trusting myself to speak with the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I forgot what it had felt to be loved.

Not that I ever truly knew.

But as sleep finally overpowered me and I gave into the stress, fear, and sadness and allowed my eyes to close, I fell into a deep nightmare about the pain and torture I had gone through when James was gone.

I am finally starting to get some memory of it, but what happened was that I was put under the words and frequently wiped so that I no longer had any memories of James or of anything at all. My healing worked so fast that they had to put me through the torture almost every day.

My words were different from James'. While he was given orders and could execute it as he could, I was a mindless slave under my words. I had to be told to do everything, from sleep to flinching. Lessons and rules were beaten into me to the point that I told my superiors I deserved a punishment whenever I realized I broke a rule when I was under the rules.

I had not realized I started hyperventilating and crying until James and Tony ran into my room, claiming that Friday informed them that my heart rate was unnaturally elevated.

As much as I loved James, I found myself leaning into Tony's touch. Regardless of how much James had done for me, it was him abandoning me during our escape plan that led to those isolated years of pain.

"It's okay Peter, I'm here,' Tony whispered, gently hugging me and stroking my hair. I found myself loving the physical touch, though I'm usually against it.

"I-I love you pops," I whispered, unsure of whether he heard it or not.

Pops.

I liked the sound of that.