Let me start off by saying that I didn't mean for those words to just blurt out of my mouth like that.
Because looking at Peter's shocked face like that made me regret telling him right now.
He looked so shocked and confused. Did he not like that I was his father? Did that scare him? Oh god, did I just scare him away?
"You– you are my real dad?" he finally whispered, after a long period of silence. Tears filled my eyes when hearing him say those words. I nodded, my hands shaking, not trusting myself to speak. I gently look a step forward, bracing according to his reaction. I stretched out a hand and allowed Peter to decide if he wanted to make contact.
Peter gently shuffled his feet closer to me and lifted up an arm and placed a single finger on my palm, looking up at me with confused eyes. That one single touch felt like a huge accomplishment for me.
"Peter, I– I'm so sorry. You were kidnapped when you were only two years old. I was told that you were dead. We could never find the body, but the "kidnappers" sent photos of you bleeding and dead."
"I was kidnapped? I was kidnapped- from you?"
"Yes. Oh Peter, I never wanted for this to happen. When you were taken from me, it was the worst day of my life. I have never stopped searching for you."
"You wanted me? You looked for me?"
My heart ached and I felt like someone was tugging it out of my chest. I fought the urge to just pull him into a hug, knowing that he was not ready for such strong physical contact.
"I never stopped Peter. It was so hard. I loved– I love you so much."
"I was told I was born in Hydra. That no one loved me outside of it or cared at all. I had no one."
Hatred filled inside of me for the men that had kidnapped my child. As though stealing him away from me was not enough, they had to subject him into so much pain and torture and feed him with thousands of lies that are still running through his mind.
When Peter was still lost, I used to try to trick myself into believing that it was good, at least, that he was dead, and that he was not facing other horrible realities.
Now I find out that he was in those other horrible realities and I find myself guiltily thinking that I would rather him be dead again.
He went through torture that even grown men cannot withstand. And he was born into it.
"Do- do you want to get to know me? I am Peter now," my poor child whispered, his voice cracking with pain and insecurity.
I'm Peter now.
Because he wasn't Peter before. He wasn't anything. He wasn't even a person.
"I would love that Peter," I responded. "You want to come down with me and see where I work and we can get to know each other?"
"I would like that very much," he replied. "Can we tell James first?"
After nodding, I asked FRIDAY to call Bucky back in.
"Dad, I'm going downstairs to hang out with Tony so we can get to know each other. I am Peter now, remember. I am something interesting. He wants to know me."
I found myself clenching at the word dad.
That doesn't even apply to me.
I am just Tony to him. And Bucky, a virtual stranger to me, is dad to my own son.
Stop it! I scolded myself. How can you even get angry at that. You know where Peter was. At least he had someone to love him in such a place.
"Yeah of course, my little spider," Bucky whispered, pulling Peter in for a hug. I wished I could be in his place right now. I want to comfort Peter. I want him to come running up to me about things.
YOU ARE READING
Not Anymore
FanfictionS-20 has only ever known one thing, Hydra, until one man came into his life and showed him that there was so much more. That man was his first friend. His older brother. But after one night, the two were ripped apart and S-20 cannot even remember hi...
