Die with a smile

1

Hanni

Something was off.

The glint in her eyes didn't match the happiness that her smile reflected across the dining room. There was a drained look that made my heart ache.

A part of me felt that everyone could see it and that it wasn't only me. Maybe I was the one overthinking it because we all have our moments where we're at a breaking point. But this isn't just a breaking point.

Her hold on my hand felt a lot more fainter than usual, so much softer and less firm. Even in the way she spoke. Something wasn't right. The quiver in between her words couldn't go unnoticed by me.

The woman holding my hand is my beautiful wife, Minji Kim. We've been together for our whole life's. And I'm not exaggerating.

From childhood friends, to high school lovers, to marrying each other as soon as college ended, and then living together since then. You'd definitely know that we're attached to one another for life.

She's all I've ever known, and I'm glad she is.

No one will ever compare to her in any way. She's one of a kind and I just know that I'll never find someone like her ever again. I hit jackpot and that's something I'm proud of.

"Come on, Minji. I'm waiting for my grandchildren!" My father said and I let out a whine at hearing him. He never stops bothering us about it. "Soon, Mr. Pham." Minji said turning to look at me.

The mention of babies always made her so happy, but she knew we needed a bit more of time before we made such step, but regardless, she would jump in excitement just by the thought.

And now, that sparkle in her eyes wasn't there.

The shine wasn't there.

Her eyes weren't as alive as she portrayed them to be.

After dinner, we were all doing our own thing, I pulled Minji away to the garden where we could talk. I needed to ask if she was okay or not. She's not acting like my Minji.

My Minji was obnoxious, loud, playful, annoyingly sweet, and just a child trapped in an adult body. She was a bit quirky, and a little nerdy.

"Are you okay?" I asked and Minji looked at me weirdly as she scratched her chin like she usually did when she was confused. "Why wouldn't I be? Do I look too tired?" She asked and I shook my head. "Something's off, my love." I said and Minji furrowed her eyebrows as she wrapped her arms around me.

We're both very sentimental, deep talks are always happening. We both truly match one another. We healed each other over the years as well, two broken souls now embrace each other so dearly.

"Maybe...you need some ice cream." Minji said and I snorted at her cute face. "Love! I'm being serious." I said and Minji tilted her head at me. "You worry too much, my love. Just enjoy tonight, it's our anniversary." She said, kissing the tip of my nose.

"I don't worry too much! It's obvious you're not okay." I said with a pout and Minji smiled at me softly, my heart breaking as that shine wasn't in her eyes anymore.

"And I assure you that I'm fine, don't worry. I'll tell you if anything, okay?" I gave her an unsure nod and she only gave me a soft smile in return. "Let's enjoy our night." She said but the unsettling feeling inside my chest was consuming me.

Minji wasn't being Minji.

She seemed to be a lot more down now, like a sad child.

The night when on, Minji's smile was brighter than the moon that was above us, lighting the small patio of our home. Minji's eyes connected with my own every now and then, and my heart would drop with how empty they seemed to be.

They weren't full of that damn happiness that had my heart skipping beats all the time. Now, so dull.

Even in her body language, she was usually energetic, always doing something to make the others laugh. Which is one reason why my family loves her. But now? She was still as she stood by the door frame, sipping on a beer as she seemed to be zoned out.

And it's been like this for the past few weeks. Minji was not being her usual self. I told my sister about it but she told me that Minji's just probably tired, and maybe she's right. But I'm her wife, I've been next to her since we were little kids.

I know her better than anyone does.

"Okay, you have to tell me what's going on." I said with a stern look as I took the beer away from her hold and placed it down on the ground by our feet. Minji looked at me surprised.

I rarely act on impulses, but when it comes to Minji, I'm capable of flipping a truck over.

"Honey, I've told you that I'm fine. I'm just a little tired." She said and I shook my head at her. Even her stance was off. "I'm taking you to the doctor tomorrow, and I want no buts. I'll be at ease if I'm fully sure that nothing is wrong." I said sternly when I noticed that she was going to say something.

More likely to contradict me and convince me to not take her because she's perfectly "fine". Yeah totally. She'd be lying through her teeth.

"It's not only tonight, it's been like this for weeks, so don't even stand there and tell me that you're just tired." I said and Minji let out a sigh. "Love, let's not argue, okay? I'll go with you to the doctor tomorrow and I'll prove to you that nothing is wrong." She said as she brought me close to her.

Her heart beating against my ear.

And even the way it was beating wasn't normal.

"I'm just worried, Minji. I don't ever want to loose you." I said and she grabbed my face to look up at her, the softest gaze filled her eyes. "I know, I've also just been so stressed at work. But I promise to take tomorrow off and go to the doctor." She said and I could only nod as I hid my face against her chest.

Minji has always been my everything since day one, and I just don't know how I'll make it without her by my side. She's been my rock, the one person I could lean and depend on when I couldn't hold myself up.

She's the love of my fucking life, what would you do you if you lost your other half? I'll probably throw myself out a window and feel her embrace me for one last time as I land to my own death. It's gruesome but I'm being honest.

Love reaches one's soul, it's probably the deepest feeling out there. It's every emotion molded into one. It's so powerful. So consuming.

"I love you." I murmured and Minji chuckled. "I love you more. Trust me, everything will be fine. I'll never dare to leave you." She said and I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Even the thought of it makes my heart shatter.

In reality, I know that if life decides to take Minji, there's nothing I could possibly do to stop it. It's life and no one can go against it.

And that's what scared me.

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