Die with a smile

2

Hanni

I was looking at Minji, her brown eyes sparkled with the way she looked at the dark night sky.

"Do you think we become one of those stars?" She asked me. We were both seated on the balcony of her house, after a long session of study time. A warm blanket beneath us. "What do you mean?" I asked and she shrugged. "When we die, there can be a possibility that we become one of those stars at night." She said and I tilted my head at the sudden question.

"I'm sure it depends on what each individual believes." I said and she nodded as her hand was rubbing up and down my freezing thigh. "If you say it like that, then I do believe we become stars. Like maybe each and one of those represents a soul." She said and I closed the book I was reading as I looked up at the sky too.

"I guess you wouldn't be that off." I said and she smiled as she turned to look at me. "When we die, I hope for our stars to be next to one another. I wouldn't want to be far away from you, not even as a star." She said and I had to pout with how cute she looked. "I bet we will be." I said and Minji smiled at that.

"What do you believe?" She asked and I sat there for a moment, thinking. "I'm not really sure, for me it's just dying and holding hands as we enter the after-life. Where our souls finally get to rest." I said and she gave me a nod. "That's a valid belief." She said, drumming her fingers on my thighs.

"What was with the sudden question?" I asked as I moved over and leaned my head on her shoulder. "I don't know, if one day something were to happen to me, I would want you to look up at the night sky and look for me up there." She said and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Minji, don't say stuff like that." I said as I sat up and faced her again. "I'm being honest though, you love the dark night, and I want to be part of the one thing you love most, aside from me of course." She said and I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Just don't say stuff like that, you know I don't like it." I said and Minji nodded. "I'm sorry, I was just being a bit curious." She said and I looked at her with a frown. "We're only seventeen." I said and she shrugged. "Thoughts come and go." She reasoned with a shrug as she stretched.

"You know life isn't always secured to each and every one of us. I'm alive today and something can happen tomorrow, we never really know." She said and I smacked her thigh. Minji always seemed to scare me when she spoke like that.

Being a kid that had to force herself to be mature, really twisted a gear in her mindset. Which in some way was good, but in another way bad.

"Minji, don't speak like that. It scares me." I said and she let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I guess I wanted to be a philosopher for a night. Heh." She let out an awkward chuckle but I only glared at her and she let out another sigh.

She extended her arms and I quickly went over to her, letting her arms wrap around me tightly. "I love you." She whispered and I couldn't help but smile as I let myself melt against her. She's truly a dream come true when I think of it.

"I love you too, but you have to promise that you won't speak like that to me. I don't like it at all, I don't like the idea of ever being without you." I said and Minji kissed the top of my head.

"I promise to never speak like that again." She said as she extended her pinky for me to grab, knowing that it meant a lot to me. I secured our pinkies together knowing that she'll keep it.

And she did in fact keep it. 

-

But if only I could go back in time and never ask her to keep that promise, maybe I would've been prepared for this moment. 

I could feel my heart shattering as tears streamed down my face as I looked at the doctor who sat before us, looking at me with the most sympathetic eyes ever as I tried to hold onto Minji with the last bit of my strength.

"I can't give you the exact time left, as the heart can weaken even more on a random Saturday morning. But, that's depending on how weak the pump of the blood is, and for Ms. Kim...it's pretty weak. I say less than a year, or probably just two months. Not really sure but her body will be giving the clear signs of departing." The doctor said as he stood up, giving us a moment to let it sink in.

As soon as he stepped out I shoved Minji away. "You said you were fine!" I exploded in pure raging emotions. "Hanni." Minji's soft voice tried to calm me but I couldn't. Not when I know that the love of my life is bound to fucking leave me alone.

"You said you were fine and I believed you, I fucking believed you!" I knew this was hard on Minji too, but for a split moment, I was blinded by my own feelings. I couldn't think properly. "I'm sorry." Minji said and she was too calm for my own liking and that was making me snap even more.

"How can you just stand there and act as if you aren't going to fucking die and leave me here all alone without you!" Minji forcefully grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me. As I seemed to be entering into a little panic attack.

My breathing was irregular and the compression on my chest was making it hard to breath, my heart was pounding inside of my chest. "I don't want to be without you!" I managed to say.

"I don't want to be alone."

Minji held me tightly as I could feel her shoulders moving as she hugged me even tighter than before, her hand rubbing my back trying to calm me as I was now choking on my own sobs. Her tears staining the side of my face and that seemed to break me even more.

"Don't leave me here." I kept repeating, hoping it would change something but I knew it was over. There was nothing I could do, besides give her my own heart. But Minji wouldn't allow that, she wouldn't let me sacrifice my own life for her.

I was hitting her chest as I tried to get away from her but Minji's arms were locked around me. "Hanni, please calm down." I could only to shake my head as the reality started to set in. "Baby, please."

I was so heartbroken, I just couldn't calm down.

I have counted minutes with Minji now, it won't be me and her forever anymore. I cried even harder as all of the promises we made for our future were crashing down on me. And I could feel my body weakening as my eyes were shutting close with how dizzy I felt.

And then,

Everything suddenly meant nothing.

-

VOTE AND COMMENT, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!