Die with a smile

12

Hanni

They say that when dying, the body seems to give you that last burst of energy. If I didn't know that it was terminal, I would've believed that she wouldn't be going anywhere anymore.

She gave me the best last hour of my life, regaining her last burst of energy as she played with me and swam in the ocean. Just waiting for the sunset to appear.

The past two months were hard, very hard. Slowly loosing Minji had to be the worst thing ever. If life was going to take her away, why not do it in one go? And not make me suffer so much by making me dread the day that Minji's body tells her that it's the last day she'll see me.

"It's beautiful." Minji's voice was hoarse. She sounded exhausted, and it was breaking my heart. I was sitting down on the sand, Minji cradled in my arms. Her eyes just refusing to look at me, and just staring at the sunset.

I've tried to hold back my tears, not wanting to sadden Minji in her last moments. And if I'm honest, I'm not ready still. I'm not ready to let her go yet. This was breaking my heart but I needed to be strong. Two months to prepare but I'm back to square one. Panicked and scared.

"Yeah, it's is." I said looking down at her. Her face was pale once more, her skin getting colder by the minute. God, please end this for the both of us already. She needs to rest and be held in your arms instead.

My sweet Minji. The woman I've loved for so many years of my life.

"You always loved sunsets." I said and Minji weakly nodded in my hold. "And you always loved the dark nights." She said, and I smiled. Polar opposites were always meant to be. Maybe not in every life, but they were.

"Do you think that it would've been us forever in some other life?" Minji asked and I wanted to scold her for wasting her energy by talking. But I wanted to hear her for as much as I'm still able to.

"Definitely, me and you are so endgame." I said, trying to joke a little and Minji chuckled slightly. "Yeah, I thought so." She said, finally turning to look at me. A small smile on her face as she looked up at me.

"You're so beautiful." She said and I tried so hard to blink the tears away. "I'm going to miss waking up to your stunning features every morning." She said and I shook my head. Not ready to hear her talk like this.

I'm not ready for anything!

"You know it's time." And I shook my head again as I bit my bottom lip to keep myself together and Minji smiled even more at me. "We deserved a better ending." She said as she grabbed one of my hands, intertwining our fingers together. Her touch was like fire against my skin, it burned me out of the mere coldness.

"So much better." I whispered as I looked at her. Her eyes were trying so hard to stay open, she was scared and that broke my heart even more. Minji definitely wasn't ready yet and it was so soul crushing knowing that she couldn't even do anything to prolong it.

"You know, I'm going to envy the next that gets to love you the way I did. Because you will move on, it's not up to debate anymore." I threw her a glare and she let out a sigh as she shook her head at me.

"Live your life, my love. Your story doesn't end here yet." She said and I shook my head at her this time. "My story ends along with you, no one else will ever be apart of my life. That place solely belongs to you." I said and Minji looked away.

"I want you to be happy." She said. "How can I be happy when you're not by my side?" Minji herself was holding back tears at this point. "You have to move on." I cupped her cheek and looked straight into her eyes. "I will never be able to move on from you." I said, it was the truth.

Minji was my soulmate. My other half. My life. My first love. My only love. The only one that I will ever love.

Minji gave me a soft smile as she used her last bit of strength to accommodate herself more in my hold. Her face buried in my chest. I could feel her getting weaker and that made me shake in fear.

"You were a wonderful experience." She said, looking up at me with those glazed eyes, her skin was getting colder and I knew what was about to happen. And it caused me to finally breakdown. "Don't cry." Even her voice was starting to fade. I had to look away from her to get myself together.

"Hanni." She called out for me so I turned to look at her. There was a soft smile on her face as she looked at me with those brown eyes that I'm about to never see again. "Listen to me." I shook my head, I didn't want to.

This was going to break me!

"Remember me, keep me in your heart. Never let me go, please. Let me stay present in your heart and mind." She said and I was crying my heart out as I held her face so softly. She didn't even have to ask.

"We'll meet again soon, when the time is right. And I'll hold you in my arms once more." If she kept talking I swear to drown myself in the ocean. But I knew Minji needed to let her words out, to let those last bit of feelings out.

"Just promise me that you'll live. That I'll see you again when you're wrinkly." But I couldn't promise that, I couldn't. "Hanni." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to break that promise. "I can't." I said with a broken voice.

And Minji fell silent, I looked down at her scared that she was already slipping from my hold. But she was looking at me with the most love filled eyes she's ever given me before she spoke again, with a small smile curved on her lips.

"I love you."

I couldn't answer her as I broke down once more. One of my hands shooting up to cover my mouth to avoid the scream of agony I wanted to let out when Minji closed her eyes. And it was time, it was here for her.

She was growing weaker, her breathing was slowing down and her features were relaxing. "Hanni..." And with one last whisper of my name her body fell limp against my hold, and that's exactly when my scream erupted from the depth of my chest.

The agonizing pain tore through me. I hugged Minji tightly as her hand fell from the hold I had it in. "Minji!" I shut my eyes close as I brought our foreheads together. Holding her tightly as I kept calling out for her. In the act of pure fear, trying to shake her awake.

No.

No!

NO!

"Wake up, please. Wake up. Don't leave me!" I kept shaking her but nothing, no response. I hugged Minji tightly again as I broke down into pieces.

She's gone.

"Baby, please." I kissed her lips for what I knew would be the last time. The world crumbling down above me. And before me kept flashing everything we did together, knowing that there's no more me and her. I kept crying in agonizing grief this time. My soul was crushed, my heart torn apart, and my being numbed with all the pain that I felt.

I kept cradling her face, placing it against my own. Kissing her skin repeatedly as if it would bring her back. I could hear my mother calling out for me as she realized that I was falling apart and nothing was able to hold me up. Absolutely nothing as Minji was now gone.

"I love you too."

I barely managed to whisper between my sobs.

-

AHHHHHHH.

IM BAWLING MY EYES OUT RAHHH

ONE MORE CHAPTER!

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