The Queens of San Diego (18+)

Chapter 12

JJ

I stare out the window of the Uber as the city of San Diego rushes by, the familiar streets lined with palm trees and that crisp coastal breeze making me feel like I'm finally home. But despite the sunny day and clear skies, my thoughts are tangled in a knot of guilt and anticipation. My trip to London wasn't exactly what I had planned. Sure, seeing Kristen was incredible—she's always been my rock—but the way I ran off to Europe, like I always do when things get tough, feels cowardly now.

Kristen's words echo in my mind, her voice so clear it's almost like she's sitting next to me. "JJ, you can't keep running. If you like Lukas, really like him, you need to stop sabotaging it before it even begins." She was right, of course. She always is. And as much as I don't want to admit it, flying to London wasn't just a vacation or a break to clear my head. It was me avoiding the conversation I should've had with Lukas.

And then there's the club. God, I wish I could forget what happened there. I close my eyes, guilt washing over me as I remember that reckless night. The GoGo dancer, the dark room—it was all a blur, and now it feels like a mistake I can't take back. I've been acting out, pushing away the very thing I want because I'm afraid. Afraid of being hurt again, of opening myself up like I did with Alejandro. But running away only made things worse, and now I'm back, ready to face the mess I left behind.

I shift uncomfortably in the backseat, watching the landmarks of Hillcrest come into view. My stomach knots with nervous energy. I'm going to see Lukas in a few minutes, and I know I can't pretend everything is fine. But at the same time, I don't want to overwhelm him with my emotional baggage. I want to tell him that I'm ready for this—for us—but what if he's moved on? What if I screwed everything up by leaving?

I shake the thoughts away, forcing myself to focus on the moment. I know Lukas. I know the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. There's something between us—something real—and I can't let my fears ruin it. Not this time. Kristen made me see that I've been holding back, but I'm done with that. I want to see where this goes. I want to try.

The Uber pulls up to the brunch spot, and I take a deep breath, stepping out into the San Diego sunshine. The noise of the city is comforting, a constant hum in the background that reminds me of why I love it here. But the nerves don't leave. I'm excited to see the crew—Martina, Izzy, Desmond—but mostly, I'm excited to see Lukas. And maybe, just maybe, this time I'll finally get it right.

As I step into the bustling brunch spot, the warm atmosphere immediately wraps around me, easing the nerves that have been brewing all morning. The familiar clinking of glasses, laughter, and chatter fill the air, and there, at a table near the back, are my friends—my people. Martina, Desmond, Izzy, and Lukas are already seated, sipping on mimosas and looking like they've settled into their Sunday groove. They haven't seen me yet, but the sight of them, all together, makes me smile. For a moment, I let the wave of familiarity and comfort wash over me. These are the moments I've missed.

I weave through the tables, excitement building. As soon as they spot me, the table lights up with a chorus of greetings. "JJ!" Desmond calls out first, their arms wide open for a hug. Martina waves dramatically, her eyes sparkling with mischief as usual, while Izzy shoots me that knowing smile, the kind that says she's been waiting for me to arrive so we can get into some serious gossip. And then there's Lukas.

I reach Lukas last, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "I'm so happy to see you," I whisper, the words carrying more weight than just a simple greeting. I hope he understands what I'm really saying—I missed you, I've been thinking about you, I want to talk. Lukas smiles, but there's something behind it, a flicker of relief mixed with...anxiety? It's subtle, but I know him well enough to pick up on it. His shoulders aren't fully relaxed, and his eyes dart away for a split second before meeting mine again. Something's up, but I can't quite put my finger on it.