Without You

5

The night faded away.

Just as I felt myself do. I got in my car, and I drove home, he wouldn't come with me no matter how much I begged.

He wouldn't come.

I went to my room ignoring everyone's calls for me.

I took a shower, and I scrubbed my skin so hard it was red; I still could feel him on me. I fell on the ground in the shower and cried. 

The questions started running through my mind

Why me?

What did I do to deserve this?

The words will forever be painted on me.

A 

Victim.

I didn't want to be that. something washed over me, not a forgiveness or acceptance not even rage just a sense of calmness. there is nothing I can do about it; did I even say no? maybe what happened was as much my fault as it was theirs.

one of my many flaws It's hard for me to fully blame someone I constantly try and see the good no matter how much that person disrespects me belittles me it's hard for me to blame people, it's so hard sometimes for me to accept reality.

A horrid reality.

"Amore?" I hear my dad's voice outside the bathroom door. "Just a minute!" I call out. I hurriedly wash up and pull on an oversized T-shirt. I walk to my bedroom and see him sitting on my bed. "Is everything ok?" he asks, and I nod quickly. 

He pats the spot next to him on my bed and I sit down. 

"You've been very anxious lately, you wanna talk?" 

"I'm fine, just the stress of school." I lied. He studies my face for a moment before nodding. "Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure dad, you don't have to worry about me."

He stands up. "Alright. well goodnight." he ruffles my hair before walking out and closing the door behind him. I'm about to lay down when I get another knock on my door and Ella walks in. 

"Dad might by that bullshit but I sure as hell don't."

I groan. "What do you want?" she sits down on next to me. "What happened?"

She doesn't know

Don't get scared

"Nothing." I lied. 

"You're a horrible liar. when you lie you don't make eye contact."

I avert my eyes. "I'm not lying." she turns my face back towards her. "What are older sisters for if they can't help you?"

"I'm fine, will you just drop it?" she stands up. "No I won't just 'drop it'" she places her hands on her hips. "And for your information I care about you, so you're going to spill."

Look at her Amore 

Look

At 

Her

I make eye contact with her. "Nothing, just Azriel being an ass again." I only half told the truth. how would she react if I told her the full truth, she would probably be disgusted in me. 

I already feel disgusted in myself I don't need someone else too.

"Okay fine, I'll drop it for now."

She starts to walk out. "But just know, I'm always here, whether you like it or not, so take advantage of that time, don't let it slip away before it's too late." she smiles at me one last time before walking out my room.