Without You

29

The air is thick with tension.

My mom sits on the couch with her hands in her lap. My dad stands there eyes darting back and forth between us.

And I stand there wanting to go to my room.

My mom hasn't forgave him, I don't blame her leaving us after Ella's death was the worse thing he could have done. but he's trying, my mom she's trying. in some ways they're contributing. 

Me on the other hand, I feel like I'm not doing much. I feel like I'm not helping like I should be, I'm so wrapped up in what's going on with me that I feel like I've been neglecting my personal matter, my family matters.

Taking a deep breath I take a seat by mom.

"Mom," I say making her look at me. "Please, give him a chance, w-we can be a family again."

She sighs shaking her head. "Amore, I know you're hurting, but things cannot go the way they were before, Ella isn't here she's not coming back you need to accept th-"

"No," I say cutting her off. "I have accepted it. you guys haven't. I've accepted it, Ella was everything to me but she wouldn't want us to go on like this, and you keep forgetting that I'm still here that you didn't have just one daughter."

"Amore,"

"I'm not done talking, you guys are around here making decisions like I don't exist, well guess what I do, you guys talk like I never existed like Ella was your only daughter."

"Amore," My dad says taking a step towards me.

"Do you know how much that actually hurts? do you know how much I'm really hurting?" I stand up. "I'm the child here and it feels like I'm the one trying to hold everything together while y'all are just hellbent on tearing it apart."

"I've been trying." My mom says staring at her hands. "I really am, but Ella-"

"Stop saying her name, Ella is dead."

My mom flinches and Dad closes his eyes. 

"She's dead and she isn't coming back and the sooner y'all can come to realize that then maybe, maybe theres a slim chance we can be a little normal. but until then y'all can't keep beating around the bush expecting something to happen."

My phone pings with a text from Adam but I ignore it. 

"Say something." I look at them and dad sighs.

"Amore," he starts and I look at him. "You need to calm down, we're still your parents, and second I am trying, why do you think I'm here?"

I scoff and try to control myself from laughing in his face. 

"You shouldn't have never left daddy dearest." I say sarcastically. "You shouldn't have never left, you guys haven't been a great example to me, you weren't there for me, I was hurting to but I took her death the best, I was strong." I take a deep breath. "I didn't leave, I didn't revert to drugs or alcohol to cope, I didn't cut everyone out my life."

"Amore," Mom says staring at me with tears in her eyes. "I am so sorry."

"I don't want apologizes," I whisper. "I want my family back, I want to see that y'all are at least trying, I don't want words, I want actions."

My phone pings again but I ignore it.

Mom stands up and pulls me into a hug dad hesitantly stands there looking unsure of himself. I hold my hand out for him to take and he does, he wraps his arms around us both halfway and we just stand there in each others embrace.

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I wake up with my heart beating fast.