Without You

35

"Why are you still here?"

I ask Adam when I get home. he's sitting on my bed looking around nervously.

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, how many times do I have to tell you that?"

"A whole lot, because I know for a fact that you're not okay, so stop spewing all that bullshit and talk to me."

"Leave." I grit. "I don't want to talk to you."

"I'm worried about you."

I laugh. "A lot of people seem to be worried about me right now, but I couldn't care less."

"Amore please."

I wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes. "Please Adam, I just want to be alone."

"I told you I will always be here for you, I'm keeping my promise."

I shake my head. "please go."

"You're not alone anymore."

I open my eyes feeling a tear roll down my cheek. "I can't," I say. "I hate this so much."

He pulls me into a hug and I wrap my arms around sobbing into his shirt. "I hate this so much, I just want the pain to go away."

"I know," he whispers placing a kiss on my head. "I know."

"When will this feeling go away?"

"I don't know, but you don't need to pretend like you're strong, it's okay to cry, it's okay to be weak."

"I need to be strong."

"No you don't."

I don't say anything as I let him hold me.

We lay down in my bed, me gripping onto him like a life line, and him just holding me. "Amore," he says making me look up at him. 

He holds my stare for a while looking almost nervous. "I wasn't looking when I met you. but you turned out to be everything I have been looking for."

My heart starts beating fast. "One day," I say honestly. "I want to say I made it. even with everything I'm going through I want to say I made it."

He smiles at me tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I know you can. I believe in you."

I smile at him feeling tears sting my eyes. "You never know how broken you are until you get into a relationship with someone who loves you the right way."

He smiles at me again. "Are you saying we're in a relationship?"

I shrug. "I don't know, are we?"

"Fuck yes." 

I laugh genuinely. "You're an idiot."

"And you're beautiful."

"You're annoying."

"And I love you."

"What?"

He sits up. "You heard me. I love you."

I shake my head. "Are you sure? I'm broken beyond repair."

"Shut up, I don't want to hear anymore of your insecurities talking."

"You love me?"

He nods. "So fucking much."

I grab the collar of his shirt pulling him towards me, he meets me half way planting his lips on mine. I thread my fingers into his hair as he pulls me on top of him.