Without You

36

Adam

Death.

Something I never thought would haunt me for the rest of my life. Something I never thought would be a constant reminder of what I've lost in my life.

Fear.

It gripped my chest like a vice, holding on, never letting go. Never having the desire to.

Love.

I felt it so strong with her. It was the only thing I thought about when I saw her. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled, the way her voice had this soft melody to it, like everything she said was a secret just for me. That love... it's what kept me going, kept me anchored. But now, it's suffocating, like a weight pressing down on my chest, threatening to crush me.

Amore.

She died that night. He pushed her over. I wasn't there to save her. I wasn't there when she needed me most.

I've never felt anything like the fear that gripped me that night. I thought I was going to lose my mind. It plays in my head, over and over again, like a damn loop I can't escape. The image of her, the look in her eyes when she fell, that sound of her body hitting the ground—it haunts me. The last thing I heard was her name, spoken in the wind, a whisper only I could hear.

"She's gone." I said to her parents, but the words felt like they didn't belong to me. Like someone else was speaking them.

The police showed up. They arrested Azriel. He didn't even fight it. But the worst part was seeing her parents, the way they crumbled, the way her mom's face twisted in disbelief.

Her mom didn't know what to do. She stood there, her face stoic, void of emotion. "I don't believe you," she screamed in my face, her words sharp and unforgiving.

"What are you talking about?" Her dad's voice shook with anger, his face red, like he couldn't comprehend what I was saying.

"She's... gone," I said again, my voice raw and broken. My stomach churned, and bile rose in my throat. "She's fucking gone."

Her mom screamed, and her dad—he just collapsed, the weight of the truth sinking into him. A piece of me died in that moment. I could feel it, like something inside me had been torn away.

There is nothing left for me.

She was too beautiful for this world. Too kind, too pure. The world was cruel to her, and she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of it.

My love, your soul was too beautiful for this world.

I sat at her grave a month later, the rain falling softly around me, each drop a reminder of everything I could never hold again. The world felt wrong without her. The silence felt wrong.

"I love you, Amore," I whispered into the wind. "I love you with a burning passion. A fire that I can't extinguish, even if I wanted to." Tears stung my eyes, but I didn't care. The cold wind blew harder, but I didn't move, didn't dare to leave her. A single red rose lay on her grave, and I stared at it like it held the answers to everything I couldn't understand.

"I never knew I'd have to go on without you." The words felt heavy, like stones being dropped into an endless abyss. I knew I'd have to live with this pain, but I didn't know how.

Behind her smile, there was a story no one would ever understand. A story I wasn't there to hear. A story I should've been a part of. A story of loneliness, of things she never told anyone. I should've known. I should've seen it, but I didn't.

And now she's gone.

I can't fix it. I can't undo it. And no matter how many times I say it, the words won't change anything. She's gone, and I will never stop loving her. Even though the world keeps spinning, even though everyone else moves on, I'll never let go. She's still here, in my heart, in every breath I take, in every beat of my broken heart.

And I'll carry her with me, even if it's just a ghost. Because that's all I have left.

Without you.