Without You

25

He's silent.

I can hear the sound of my heart thumping wildly in my chest waiting for a reaction.

He barely knows me why would he even care?

Please say something, I begged silently.

He stares at me confusion written on his face before he finally says something.

"What?" 

Did he not hear me?

"I-" I struggle to find the words. 

Does he think I'm disgusting for allowing something like this to happen to me?

It wasn't fault, I want to say. but who know maybe it was maybe I let this happen to me maybe I deserved it.

"Amore," he says quietly and I look away. 

He thinks I'm disgusting.

"Amore, I don't understand, did Azriel...rape you?"

I close my eyes and suck in a sharp breath, the words are on the tip of my tongue.

"He wouldn't do that," I whisper shaking my head.

"Then who raped you?" 

I shake my head at the sharpness in his voice wishing I didn't tell him.

"Amore," He says softer this time. "You need to tell me. you have to tell me."

"I did," I say. "I told you now I need you to drop it."

"How do you expect me to drop something this important?"

"Please, Adam. I just I'm so broken and confused right now."

He nods despite probably wanting to probe me with questions. I appreciate his silence as he just holds me. he closes his eyes and I lean against him, his grip tightens around me almost protectively and I hold onto him. 

"We should get you inside." he says. "It's cold out."

I shake my head. "I don't want to be here right now, Azriel might-" I shake my head cutting myself off.

"Azriel might what? what did he do Amore?" 

I try and stand up and he helps me holding onto my arm. "Amore please."

"He, hit me."

"I know that, what else did he do?"

I wince at the memory.

"He choked me until I passed out and then I woke up in his bed..."

"You woke up in his bed what?"

I close my eyes.

"He wouldn't hurt me."

"Stop saying that, he will hurt you, he did hurt you and you need to realize that, he doesn't give a fuck about you and if he does his version of 'care' is probably a sick version."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "I woke up...in my underwear. I don't know if he did anything I'm certain he didn't do anything," I open my eyes and look at him. "Azriel would never go that far."

His jaw is tight and he steps away from me and looks away, that simple gesture makes my chest tighten.

"Then why did you say you were raped?"

"I was, I-I was at a party, he...his friends, they did something to me."

"Raped you?" he says boldly.

"Yeah," I whisper. 

"How many?" he asks staring at the ground, and I feel tears stinging my eyes again.