X. UNKNOWN (part 1)

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X. UNKNOWN

--Nastja’s diary—

Nang matanaw ko mula sa bintana na nakalayo na si Lou, saka ko pa lamang ipinagpatuloy ang pag-iyak.  Ang pag-iyak na pinigil ko habang kausap ko si Lou kanina.  Nababasa ko ang emosyon niya, literally.  Kaya alam kong nagsasabi siya ng totoo nang sabihin niyang wala siyang maalala sa nangyari kagabi.  Sa nangyari sa amin.  I gave up my virginity for him last night.  Iniisip ko kasi na baka iyon na ang maging simula ng mas malalim naming relasyon.

Kagabi ko lang napatunayan sa sarili ko na mahal ko na pala si Lou.  It felt so good to hear him say “I love you” over and over again last night.  Kahit alam kong hindi para sa akin ang mga katagang iyon.  Kahit alam kong hindi ako ang nasa isip niya nang mga sandaling iyon…

How could I not fall in love with him?  He is so perfect.  Sa buong grupo ng CMG, siya ang nagwelcome sa akin ng husto.  Ang nagsabi sa akin na advantage ko ang pagiging “emotion reader” at hindi abnormality.  Nakikita ko rin ang todong effort niya na tulungan ako sa pag-alam sa tunay na nangyari sa mom ko.  How could I not fall for him when he is so brave, so smart, and so handsome?  Ano pa ba ang hahanapin ko sa isang lalaki?

Kahit ano ang gawin ko, paulit-ulit pa ring bumabalik sa isipan ko ang mga pinagsaluhan namin kagabi.  Hindi ako matigil sa pag-iyak.

That’s when Mondael crossed my mind.  I know he’ll cheer me up in times like this.  I saw my lap top lying on the table.  So I logged in.  It was nice to see that he was online.  Mondael is always online.

Nastja_s: hi best. Musta?

Flash5: fine. Ikaw?

Nastja_s: d2 lng s tbi2. Miss kta.

Flash5: . . .

It was typical Mondael, walang masabi.  He is always like that.  Sa halip na sabihin niyang “I miss you”, mas pipiliin niyang itype ang dot-dot-dot.

                   Flash5: I read somewhere that a doppelganger is mostly seen when a person’s life is in danger.

                Nastja_s: Talaga?

                Flash5: yeah. Like a sign.  Like a bad omen or whatever u call that.  Remember when you thought you saw your mom going to her room, when in fact she was in the office?  It was a sign, but we didn’t know it.  It was a sign of something bad.

                Nastja_s: I still don’t believe she committed suicide.  My mom could never ever do that, best.

                Flash5: we will find out everything soon.

I tried changing the topic.  I don’t wanna think about mom anymore.  Malulungkot lang ako.  And besides, I have been wanting to get this off my chest.  At curious na rin ako dahil never pa siyang nagkwento ng lovelife niya sa akin.

                   Nastja_s: have u ever been in love, best?

                Flash5: . . . are u?

                Nastja_s: Am I wat?

                Flash5: in love?

                Nastja_s: I think so.

                Flash5: do you think it is good for you?  Or bad?

                Nastja_s: bad, I think.  He DOESN’T love me.

                Flash5: baka may malalim siyang dahilan kung bakit…

                Nastja_s: I think he’s in love with some1 els, but… we just hooked up last night.

Mondael didn’t reply after that.  Isang panibagong chatter ang pumalit sa kanya.

                   Cursed_chatmate: I love you

                Nastja_s: cno ka?

                Cursed_chatmate: u know me.  Wag mong isipin na hindi kita mahal, ‘cause I love you.

Why doI have the feeling that I really know whoever this chatter is?  Si Lou ba ‘to?  Oh God.  Please let him be Lou.  Please make Lou love me.

                   Cursed_chatmate: if u wanna know who I am, give me your e-mail add and I will send you my pic

I quickly typed in my e-mail address…

CRIMES AND MYSTERIES 3: AKO SAPATOSTahanan ng mga kuwento. Tumuklas ngayon