Kurt Hummel and the Seven Dwarfs

Chapter 11

Cut to the other Dwarfs standing around a small tub of water. Happy swishes a finger around in it

Happy: Gosh, it's wet.

Then Sneezy sticks a finger in the water and immediately recoils, shivering.

Sneezy: It's cold, too!

Bashful: We ain't gonna do it, are we?

Doc: Well, and it'll please the prince.

Happy: Heh, I'll take a chance for him.

Bashful/Sneezy/Sleepy: Me too!

Grumpy, who is watching from his barrel, is not amused that his brothers or friends are giving in to the charms of a teenager.

Grumpy: Huh! His wiles are beginning to work. But I'm warning you; you give them an inch and they'll walk all over you!

Doc: Don't listen to that old......warthog. C'mon now, men.

Sneezy: How hard do you scrub?

Sleepy: Will your hands shrink?

Happy: Do you get in the tub?

Bashful: Do you have to wash where it doesn't show?

Doc: Now, now, don't get excited. Here we go. (sings) Step up to the tub,
oh, ain't no disgrace.
Just pull up your sleeves
and get up in place.
Then scoop up the water and
rub it on your face and go
bluddle-uddle-um-dum.(As Doc continues singing, the others each pick up a bar of soap, dip it in the water, scrub their faces and stuff some water in their hands) Pick up the soap,
now don't try to bluff.
Work up the lather,
and if you've had enough.
Get your hands complete with water,
you snort and you snuff and go (with the other who rub their faces) bluddle-uddle-um-dum.
You douse and souse,
you rub and scrub.
You sputter
and splash all over the tub. (The fly from the mine flies off toward Sleepy and lands on the soap. As it scrubs itself, a bubble forms around it, getting bigger and bigger until it bursts, surprising the fly) You may be cold and wet,
if you're done.
But you have to admit,
it's good clean fun.
Then splash all you like,
it ain't any trick.
As soon as you're through,
you'll feel mighty slick.

Grumpy: Bunch of old nanny goats, you make me sick going bluddle-uddle-um-dum. (Cut to the bathtub. Doc is cleaning the heads of the other dwarfs with a long brush. He is about to go to Dopey, but the latter keeps moving around. Eventually, he hits him and Doc scrubs his butt instead) Hah! Next thing you know, he'll be tying your beards up in pink ribbons and smelling you up with that stuff called...uh..."perfume". Hah!
(Cut to the Dwarfs scrubbing. Happy wrings his beard out and shakes off on Doc, who frowns at him. Dopey, on the other hand, is hitting his head, which is complete with water. As this doesn't work, he shakes his head, but it just forms waves. Dopey blows on his finger, and the water in his head trickles out. Cut to Sneezy and Sleepy blindly walking around Bashful, who is wringing out his beard. Then the former two dry themselves off on his beard and clothes) A fine bunch of water lilies you turned out to be. (Doc, putting his glasses back on, looks toward him) I'd like to see anybody make me wash, if I didn't wanna.

Doc simply clears his throat and calls the others over. They huddle up and Doc whispers something to them, preferably how to make the chauvinistic Grumpy to wash and the others laugh silently. After a second, they advance toward Grumpy, whistling nonchalantly. He notices the whistlers around him, and by the time he realizes why, it's no use.

Doc: GET HIM!!

Then the other Dwarfs pile on top of John and carry the thrashing dwarf towards the tub.

Grumpy: Hey, let go! Let go of me!

Doc: Get him over to the tub. Get him over to the tub!

Grumpy: Lemme loose, you fools! LEMME LOOSE!!

Doc: Get him up on the tub. Get him up! Hang onto him! Bang him! Pound him! (the other Dwarfs lift Grumpy up into the tub, and Dopey lifts Sneezy up) Get him up on the dub......on the mub...on the tub...th-the tub. Don't, don't, don't, don't get excited! Don't get...don't get up...don't get... (Just then, Grumpy kicks, causing Sneezy to fall onto Dopey, who rolls into Doc. Holding onto him, Dopey looks at Doc lovingly, but the latter just tosses him off) (imperatively) Get the soap! (Dopey nods and tries to get up, but trips on his coat. Then he gets up again and runs toward a bar of soap. He picks it up, but before he can get it to the others, it slips out of his hand repeatedly) Oh! Steady, men! We'll get him there! (The soap slips several more times before it rockets into the air, but bumps Dopey right on the head. The silent dwarf looks at it, and determined not to get the better of him, sneaks up on the soap and pounces. Unfortunately, it bounces off of Doc's butt and into Dopey's mouth. A second later, he hiccups bubbles, all the while looking for the soap. After another hiccup, Dopey pats his stomach and feels a rounded rectangular shape. He has incidentally swallowed the soap. But just as he realizes this, he falls down and he gets a hiccuping fit. Meanwhile, the other dwarfs are restraining Grumpy and gagging him hard, the latter not enjoying his predicament.) (singing) Now scrub good and hard,
it can't be denied
that he'll look mighty cute
as soon as he's dried.

All: (singing) Well, it's good for the soul
and it's good
for the hide to go.

On the next line, they dip him in the tub three times

Grumpy: Bluddle-uddle-um-dum!

Cut to Dopey, who has hiccuped a lot of bubbles. Then he holds his breath, hoping it will stop his hiccups, but after a while, his face turns red and a great big one ribbits him into the air. As he comes back down, his head has disappeared into his coat and lets out one more hiccup. A bubble the size of his head bursts and his hat falls on his head. Meanwhile, the others are yet restraining Grumpy. Ironically, his hair had blue ribbons tied onto them and he has been sprayed with perfume. Everyone laughs at how this words earlier have backfired on him

Bashful: Ain't he sweet?

Sneezy: (sniffs) Smells like a petunia.

Happy: (puts a lei on Grumpy) He sure is cute.

Grumpy: (frustrated) You'll pay dearly for this!

Meanwhile, inside the house, Kurt samples his soup.

Kurt: (bangs on the soup pot with his spoon) Supper!

Doc: Supper!

Dwarfs: Food! HOORAY!!

Everyone runs for the house, dropping Grumpy back in the tub

Grumpy: Bluddle-uddle-um-dum! (sticks his head back out with his lei on his nose) Hah!