Kurt Hummel and the Seven Dwarfs

Chapter 6

Fade to the Dwarfs' cottage, basement. Kurt has just finished cleaning. Curious, he goes to the stairway.

Kurt: Let's see what's upstairs. (Everyone, including the animals, go up the stairs behind Kurt. Mr. Turtle tries to climb up, but falls flat on his back. He grabs his tail in his mouth and pulls himself up. Then he bites on a stair and starts climbing the stairs, albeit very slowly, which is typical for a turtle. Soon, everyone reaches the top stair and Kurt opens the door. Before them are seven beds, three on the left wall, three on the right wall and one in front) Oh, what adorable little beds! And look, they have their names carved on them. Doc? Happy? Sneezy? Dopey? Huh. What funny names for children. Grumpy, Bashful and Sleepy. (yawns) I'm a little sleepy myself.

Everyone settles down, some on the floor, others on the beds. Dick lies down on the beds marked George, Calvin and Ringo. One of the birds flies over and puts out the candle with its tail feathers. All the animals are now sleeping soundly, except for Mr. Turtle, who is now almost to the top of the stairs. Suddenly, the sound of singing arouses the animals

Dwarfs: (faintly and growing louder with each second) Heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho.
Heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
it's home from work we go. (The animals rush to the window, and seeing that the Dwarfs are drawing closer, all scramble for the stairs) Heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
it's home from work we go. (Mr. Turtle has eventually made it to the top stair, but doesn't get far before the rest of the animals run over him. Then he tries to follow them, but falls down the stairs. Meanwhile, the animals dash out the front door and take cover in some nearby trees. Cut to the Dwarfs. They are just coming up the hill as they continue their song) Heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
it's home from work we go. Heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
it's home from work we go.
Heigh-ho,
heigh-ho,
heigh-ho.

Doc: Look!

Dwarfs: (minus Doc) Heigh-

They all bump into Doc as he stops short, their picks and shovels clattering on the ground

Doc: Our house! The lit's light, er, the light's lit!

The Dwarfs, suddenly surprised, run over to some tree to see what's going on. What they see is very unusual.

Dwarfs: Jiminy Crickets!

Before them is the selfsame cottage which Kurt just cleaned. The door is yet open a crack, the lights are yet on and the chimney is emitting steam. There's no doubt about it, the house is certainly theirs

Doc: The door is open.

Happy: The chimney's smoking.

Sneezy: Something's in there.

Happy: Perhaps a ghost.

Bashful: Or a goblin.

Doc: A demon.

Sleepy: Or a dragon.

Grumpy: Mark my words, there's danger a-brewing. Felt it coming all day. (points to his foot) My corns hurt.

Happy: Gawrsh!

Bashful: That's a bad sign. (to Doc and Sleepy) What'll we do?

George: Let's sneak up on it.

Doc: Yes. We'll, uh, squeak up, uh, sneak up. C'mon, hen, uh, men. Follow me.

The Warriors, led by Doc, all tiptoe silently towards the cottage with raised picks and slightly frightened expressions. Dopey, who is last in line as usual, is the most frightened.