Torn

Chapter 22

I was laying in bed with Harry by my side. He was playing with my hair and humming a song I had never heard before. His beautiful voice made my body tremble as I thought about how close we had become these past weeks. I no longer could picture a life without Harry by my side. He had become my best friend. I doubt I would have survived those past weeks if it wasn't for him. He made me strong. He was the one who lifted me up on my feet and made me walk when I just wanted to fall back down again. The pain in my chest had dissipated, but it was still there. But with Harry's help I actually thought it wasn't the end of the world, I would survive.

I turned around and looked deep into Harry's sparkling, green eyes. A dimpled smile grew on his face as he let his fingers run through his hair.  I couldn't help myself from smiling and just to irritate Harry a bit I let my hands mess his hair up. We ended up laughing and as revenge he put his hands on my belly and started to tickle me. He knew how ticklish I was and all I could do was laugh. I pushed Harry away and he dragged me with him so I ended up laying on his belly. We caught our breath as we felt our chests against each other.

A thought that had hit me many times before during these last couple of weeks ran through my head again. I summoned all the courage I could and with a stuttering voice I said: "Harry, I don't really know how to say this but..."

Harry interrupted me and answered my question before I even had time to ask it. It was like he knew what I was thinking.

"Yes, I still want you, Ash. My whole body is screaming for you. But my mind is smarter than that. It's so much more important to me that you're happy. And I know Niall is the one for you, not I. Even if I still wish it was."

"Oh Harry."  These were the only words I managed to say before tears started to run down my cheeks.

Harry wiped my tears away and smiled.

"Don't be sad, love. I love our friendship. I'm happy as long as you're in my life."

I threw my arms around Harry and felt his arms around my waist, hugging me tight as he let his fingers run over my back. The rest of the day we spent in bed enjoying each other's company, eating junk food and watching old movies.

Late that night Harry had to leave because he was going to an interview early the next day. It was the first time since Niall's and my breakup that I was going to sleep without Harry in the same house. I didn't like the thought of that but couldn't ask him to stay. He had pushed back so much work just to take care of me and I couldn't ask him to do that for me any longer. I followed him out to his car and for a long time we just stood there, leaning against the car in each other's arms. I leaned my head against his shoulder and smelled the scent of shampoo and one of my absolute favorite scents in the world, the scent of Harry.

As he let me go and got into his car it felt like I would break down any second now. Maybe I couldn't do this without Harry. But I wanted to be strong in front of him so I just smiled as his car slowly disappeared down the road.  I stood on my porch, feeling the warm wind gently touching my body as I felt more alone than ever. The sky was dark blue and the stars shone brighter than usual. As I was studying the sky, I stopped and looked extra carefully on one star. My star. Or so I think it was. The words Niall had said when he showed me my star echoed in my head: "Wherever I am in the world, you can always look up at the sky and know that I'm there with you", and suddenly I didn't feel so alone. I knew Niall was always with me.

As I stood there feeling happiness take over my body, my phone went off in my pocket. I picked it up thinking it was Harry saying he forgot something. At the sight of the name that appeared on the screen my body became weak.

"I miss you - Niall"

I looked at the screen for ages before I typed: "I miss you too."

After a while a new text came up: "Then come to me. I want one more night. I want to feel your body against mine one more time. I want to feel your heartbeat and hold my arms around you. I want to kiss you one more time. I want to pretend that we didn't screw it all up, that you're still mine."

"I'm on my way."