MY AVERAGE LIFE

Part 53

Shivani Pov:

TRIGGER WARNING: SENSITIVE CONTENT 

Sharath wasn't letting me do anything, so I decided to just settle on the couch and turn on the TV. I scrolled through all the streaming platforms, not really interested in anything, and ended up watching Beauty and the Beast—a movie I'd probably seen over a hundred times. My back still hurt from earlier, that jerk had pushed me pretty hard.

I was halfway through the movie when Sharath sat down next to me. I glanced at him, offering a small smile, before turning my attention back to the screen. After a few minutes, I felt his fingers gently tracing over the fading bruises on my skin. I knew he was still feeling guilty, even though none of it was his fault.

Placing my hand on his cheek, I spoke softly, trying to ease the tension. "It's not your fault, baby. Don't feel guilty, okay? I'm fine now. See? The bruises are already fading."

He didn't seem convinced. His eyes were clouded with worry. "Are you really okay? You're acting like nothing happened. Like you're not the one who went through all of that. You promised me you'd always tell the truth... so tell me, are you really fine?"

I sighed, shifting to face him fully. "Sharath, I won't lie. What happened did shake me. Thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes, but I know better than to let it affect me."

"You're holding it all in because of me, aren't you?" he said, his voice filled with concern. "i am here u can let out your emotions."

I shook my head. "It's not just because of you." My heart pounded in my chest, knowing I needed to tell him something I hadn't planned to share so soon. But if anyone deserved to know, it was him.

"Sharath..." I began, taking a deep breath, "I used to self-harm."

His entire body tensed. I could see the shock in his eyes, his face going still. "Shivani... what?" he whispered, frozen in place.

"Please, let me finish," I said, squeezing his hands. He nodded, eyes wide as he waited for me to continue.

"I started when I was going through my first breakup. But it wasn't just that," I explained, my voice shaking slightly. "There was so much—school pressure, family pressure, and then the breakup on top of it all. When my first relationship ended, I told myself it was okay, that he just didn't love me. But around the same time, I found out my father didn't want me either. He was ready to leave me and my mom, to move on with his life. That crushed me."

I paused, feeling tears well up again as the memories resurfaced. "We had this huge misunderstanding. He stopped talking to me, and I wasn't even at fault. He said he'd lost all trust in me, and I felt so alone." 

I paused, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall. "There was this guy who tried to hold my hand and told me he loved me. It was the first time I'd even met him, and I turned him down immediately. But somehow, my dad found out and blamed me for it. That was the toughest period of my life. I felt like a burden to everyone, like I didn't belong anywhere. That's when I started self-harming. It became addictive... it felt like the only thing I had control over."

Sharath's grip on my hands tightened. He was holding back tears now, too. "Shivani... did you ever get help?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

I shook my head, forcing a small smile. "No, I didn't want my parents to find out, even though those two years have been hell for me, apart from that they were always Good no no Great to me. So, I dealt with it on my own. I eventually realized it was taking over my life, and I started working on healing myself. I stopped, but... it wasn't easy."

He looked down, tears streaming freely now. "Did no one ever notice?"

"No," I said softly. " and you're the first person I've told."

"Why?" he asked, wiping at his eyes.

"Maybe because you're the only one who asked how I really felt, even after I said I was fine," I said, brushing his tears away gently.

He pulled me into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around me like he was trying to protect me from all the pain I'd ever experienced. I could feel his love and care in that embrace. After a while, he pulled back just enough to look into my eyes.

"Are you still... doing it? After today, I mean?"

I shook my head and hugged him running my hand over his back in slow circles, trying to comfort him. "No, Sharath. I haven't hurt myself in a long time. After everything I've been through, I've learned to accept things quickly. I don't let myself spiral anymore. That's how I stay in control."

"Do you ever get panic attacks?" he asked, his concern deepening.

"Rarely, but when I do, I can manage them," I reassured him.

"Shivani," he said sternly, his eyes searching mine.

"I mean it, Sharath. I've learned to cope. If I hadn't, someone would've noticed by now."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "Or maybe everyone else was just blind," he muttered, making me chuckle a little despite everything.

"I'm okay now," I said, my voice firmer. "Yes, what happened today affected me, but it's not something I can't handle. And having you here makes me feel not just fine but good i am telling u the truth."

"I'll always be here for you," he said without hesitation, his voice full of certainty.

"I know," I whispered, smiling softly. "I trust you."