From Singapore to the World: A Journey of Lesbian Love Across The Globe

Chapter 12.1: Just an experience

She had a habit of talking trash about her exes, never accepting any blame for the way those relationships ended. There was always some story about how the girl was at fault, how she was the victim. That made me wonder—how long before I'd become the next villain in her narrative?

Then there was the drinking. I'm not sure if it's just the heavy drinking culture in Korea, but she openly admitted to enjoying alcohol a little too much. I couldn't tell if she was using drinking as a way out or if it was just part of the socializing. Either way, it stood out. There's a fine line between enjoying a drink and using it to escape from something deeper.

She was also obsessed with looks. If you needed to know anything about makeup or skin care, Soo-Jin was the first person to ask. She would spend a lot of money making sure her appearance was flawless. It wasn't just vanity, though. It felt like it was her shield, a way to keep up the image of having it all together when, deep down, there were cracks in her confidence.

At one point, I jokingly said we'd have sex every day, and she responded with a surprised, "Every day?" in a high-pitched voice. Then she added, almost casually, "I can only manage a maximum of three times a week, and if it's every day, I'd need to go to surgery to get my G-spot enhanced." I went quiet after that, with the statement "surgery just to have sex everyday?" spinning in my head, leaving me full of question marks and confusion.

Her biggest red flag? She hadn't even finished high school. Now, that in itself wasn't the issue—people take different paths in life. But the way she blamed her parents for it, constantly shifting responsibility, was troubling. She seemed stuck in that mindset, not owning her decisions, and it bled into how she viewed herself. There was a real lack of confidence under all that flawless skin.

Her business was floundering, and she admitted she was going to shut it down. That's fine—people fail, and that's part of life. But when I asked what her plan was next, she just shrugged. She said she hated thinking, hated having to plan, and wanted to avoid everything. She said she was going to move to Hawaii, thinking it would be some kind of escape, but I knew the truth. You can't run from yourself, and her problems would follow her wherever she went. I think she's probably depressed but doesn't realize it.

Despite all these red flags, there were moments of light. She took care of me when we were together, making sure I was comfortable. She actually reciprocated during sex, which isn't something I can say for everyone I've been with. And when I told her to do something—whether in conversation or bed—she would actually listen. She didn't brush me off or dismiss me. That counts for something.

Soo-Jin was a mix of contradictions. On one hand, she was this confident, beautiful woman who could make anyone feel lucky to be around her. On the other, she was filled with insecurity, using beauty and alcohol as masks to hide what she didn't want to face. I don't know where she's headed, but I hope she figures out that running away isn't the answer. Maybe she'll find what she's looking for, but I doubt it's in Hawaii. The real answer lies within her.

For me, Soo-Jin was an experience—one I don't regret. But I couldn't ignore those red flags. They were everywhere, like warning signs I knew I couldn't brush aside. Maybe she'll figure it out one day, or maybe she'll keep running. Either way, I wish her the best, even if I know we weren't meant to last.

She blocked me after we parted ways at the train station. She was upset about the hickey I'd given her the night before, and it seemed like she never got over it. Just like that, the connection we shared slipped away, leaving me with memories of that night.