JOYS OF LIFE -2 [NOT EDITED]

19

XOLISA MUTHOMBENI

I have been cooped up in my room since mom told me how I was conceived. Somehow the way I was conceived makes me feel like maybe this is why she even lets her husband treat me the way he does because I never 'served my purpose'. I mean she did say she conceived me to be able to execute her plan but it failed anyway. No lies, I was really overthinking and doubting alot of things. I really could use some time outside to unwind. By the way, I only got out of here when I went to write yesterday and I had to pretend as if i'm fine infront of my friend. My best friend is the best honestly, she only came to keep me company, she finished her exams before me but she came to campus yesterday just so I won't be walking alone around campus.

My mom walks in my room carrying a tray full of treats. She stands by the door for a few seconds before sighing and closing the door behind her.

Mom: "Can I join you?" she asks.

Me: "Sure." I respond softly and sit up.

Mom: "Listen baby, I'm a horrible person I know and probably the worst mother ever but I want you to be able to trust me and just give me a chance." well, too late.

Me: "Mom, you are not a horrible person, even telling me of your past mistakes shows how much of a person you are. You didn't lie or even make yourself a victim in all this so I'm not mad at you, I just need space."

Mom: "Okay baby. Also I never told you about your father because honestly I didn't want you to face the pain of rejection and possibly humiliation when you go looking for him. He made it clear that if he ever crossed paths with me, he'd kill me and my baby. I don't blame him futhi, I also don't want you to blame him if ever you face his rejection." I feel like screaming when she says her last sentence because now I have to suffer for her and her mother's doings but then again I understand and am grateful that she has been 'protecting' me from rejection but I still don't like how she went avout things.

Me: "I have a question."

Mom: "Sure?"

Me: "Have you secretly hated me because I wasn't able to fulfill your expectations when I was born?"

Mom: "What?"

Me: "I mean you did say you were planning to blackmail my dad or something but since that didn't work, have you ever hated me for that? Maybe like I had to be born for nothing?! I wasted your time or anything? Plus you let your husband treat me the way he does and you don't do anything about it." she sighs softly and scoots closer to me.

Mom: "I would never regret having you in my life Xolly. You are my life and I mean it. If I ever felt that way you wouldn't be here, trust me. I wasn't even three months pregnant when I ran away from Joburg so I could have resorted to abortion if I thought all that anout you but I didn't Xolisa because you're my world baby. I love you so much."

Me: "So why have you never stood up for me from your husband?" she scratches her chin.

Mom: "I do baby but that man just doesn't seem to take my word seriously enough. I'm sorry that I failed you baby and I hope you forgive me someday."

Me: "Just give me my space mama." I hug her.

Mom: "You still want that flat?" You see when parents are grovelling, you get anything. Her bribes won't make me forgive her so easily but I will most certainly accept them.

Me: "Yes, I have listed a few I want us to go view."

Mom: "us?! You want to go with me?!"

Me: "yeah why not?!" I mean, she's paying (shrugs), she smiles lightly squeezing my chin.

Mom: "You are amazing, I'd be delighted to come with."

Me: "I mean." I say playfully rolling my eyes making her laugh. She hugs me again.

Mom: "Thank you for hearing me out and understanding my reasons. If ever you want to find your father and build a relationship with him, don't hesitate to ask. I will gladly help and I won't stand in your way."

Me: "Thank you."  she smiles.

Mom: "We will go view those places whenever you're ready ke nono, okay?"

Me: "Yes, thanks." she smiles stroking my cheek and walks out.

Mom: "Okay ke baby."

Me: "Wait, what's his name?" I just want to stalk the man and then will I only make a decision if I want to meet him or not.

Mom: "Nkosi Majola."
_________

The next morning, mom wakes me up with a tray of breakfast. It seems like I will love her grovelling hey (chuckles), I mean she might even buy me a car nyana, yikes! I've been in bed all morning, just busy with my phone talking to Swe.

Mom: "Kanti akuvukwa yin?" she asks placing the tray on my side table.

Me: "I'm tired." she shakes her head.

Mom: "You are just being lazy. Eat."

Me: "Thank you mah." she smiles and walks out. I sit up and lean on my wall with a pillow supporting my back and start eating. My phone rings while I'm eating, I answer and put it on speaker.

Me: "Friend?"

Swe: "My brothers want to check out some pub&Grill around here, so get ready."

Me: "Aybo! for what?"

Swe: "We coming to fetch you in an hour." she hangs up. I quickly get up, make my bed and tidy up my room. I love anything that involves being outside. I go shower then get dressed in a simple short dress, a white shirt and some takkies. I tie my braid into a pony then pack my sling bag. I grab the tray with some of the food I left and go place it in the kitchen.

Mom: "Why didn't you eat?" I look at her and chew my lip.

Me: "I got full mah."

Mom: "Why are you all dressed up?"

Me: "Swe is taking me out."

Mom: "Tell her to come in, I want to see her." My phone pings, it's a text from Swe that she's outside. I text Swe to come inside the house. After a few minutes there is a knock on the door, I open for her. We hug before I let her in and lead her to the lounge.

Swe: "San'bona mah."

Mom: "Sawubona ntombi, waze wamuhle bo!" my friend blushes bakithi.

Swe: "It's so good to finally meet you." she shakes mom's hand.

Mom: "Lkkewise sisi."

Me: "Mah, we are leaving now. Bye, I'll see you later." I grab Swe's hand and rush out before mom could even make conversation.

Swe: "You can get in the back babe." she says after opening the passenger door. I get in the back and seat with this brownskin guy. He is so cute.

Me: "Sanibonani." they both greet back in their deep voices.

Swe: "Guys this is my friend Xoli, babes these are my brothers Sqalo and Fana."

Fana: "Nice to meet you Xoli. I'm bhuti Fana."

Sqalo: "Nice to meet you gorgeous." this one looks like a player and I love me some playboys. I just smile.

Me: "How's Junior?"

Swe: "He woke up last night and he might be discharged tomorrow. He is fine."

Sqalo: "I hear that you were helping my mom beat up that dog?" I chuckle.

Me: "He deserved it and more."

Sqalo: "that's right." he high-fives me, we both chuckle.