The Shield One-Shots Book 3

The Bully And The Nerd Pt37/Ambrollins

 The sound of rain pounding against the hospital windows was a soothing distraction for Dean, who lay in bed staring at the darkening sky. The room was dimly lit, casting shadows across the plain white walls. Despite his attempts to get some peace and quiet, he could still hear the occasional chatter and footsteps outside his door. He was finally alone, he had had to lie to get everyone to go home and leave him the hell alone. It's been a week since their nightmare ended... seven days since Cena died because of him. He hated this, dammit, hated it so fucking much, he should be fucking happy and relieved that this shitshow was finally over and he was but... he also had a lot of fucking guilt over it. He was consumed by this never-ending cycle of guilt and self-hatred, there was an overwhelming guilt that clawed at his insides.

 Dammit, he knew he shouldn't feel this way after everything Cena had done to not only him but Roman, Seth and Randy too but he couldn't make it fucking stop. There were times he was okay and he could enjoy that it was finally over and then there were times where he was angry, angry at Cena, angry at himself... just angry. Then there were times where he felt like he'd suffocate under the pain he felt knowing that Cena was dead because of him. Yeah, Cena was a crazy psychopath who had done a lot of fucked up shit to them but that didn't mean he wanted him dead. They had a history together. They had been friends once, and Cena had even been in love with him. How was he supposed to live with that knowledge?

 Sighing, Dean ran his hands over his face, maybe he should talk to Seth, Roman and Randy about it? He laughed bitterly to himself at that thought, yeah, that wasn't going to happen, they wouldn't understand why he felt anything but hatred for Cena after everything that's happened. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on his open hospital door, sitting up he turned to see Tom standing there.

 "Can I come in?"

 "Of course." Dean replied smiling.

 "How you feeling, son?" Tom asked as he sat down beside Dean's bed.

 "Uh, good." Dean answered lying.

 "No, you're not, son." Tom said gently as he sighed.

 "What?"

 "Dean, I'm an old man and when you get to be my age you learn a few things over the years. Like I know it's going to rain every time my left knee starts acting up. I know which plants in my garden will return in the Spring."

 "What are you trying to say?" Dean asked confused. "Is there a point in all of this?"

 "My point is that I know you're lying, I just don't know who you're lying to or why?" Tom replied gently.

 "So, I'm lying, so what? What the hell do you want me to say, huh? That... that I'm pretty far from okay, that I'm a fucking mess?" Dean asked bitterly.

 "Yes."

 "Yeah, that ain't happening." Dean refused.

 "Why?"

 "Are you serious? How the hell am I supposed to tell everyone that Cena's death has fucked with me in ways it shouldn't?"

 "Dean, it may not seem like it right now considering everything that's happened but what you're feeling is completely normal."

 "Normal?" Dean repeated as he scoffed. "It's normal to feel guilty because that psycho is dead after everything he did to us? How is any of that normal?"

 "Because you're human." Tom replied gently.

 "Yeah, well, right now I wish I couldn't feel a fucking thing." Dean admitted quietly.

 "Dean, keeping it all in will only eat at your soul, son. You need to talk to someone about it."

 "I just did." Dean stated.