Eloise Dupont is one of the world's best chefs. She is thriving with a new cookbook that just came out, jump starting her cooking class tour. Her relationship just ended and the only thing she has on her mind is her career.
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This is a longer one, but there is information about my stories, myself, and life!
MY PERSONAL JOURNEY WITH 1D
It has been so incredibly hard to put into words how I have been feeling lately.
I know so many of us have rallied to one another to support, talk, vent, and cry on our shoulders. It's the hiatus or Zayn leaving moments all over again, except tenfold this time.
Nothing I can say is something that the internet and others have not said before. I not only mourn for my inner younger self, but the part of me that is breaking at every picture, moment, memory, and tear that have came about in the past few days. I hurt when thinking about Bear, his family, Kate, his loved ones, friends, the other boys, all of it. I can't imagine what they are going through, or imagine the thoughts that have circled in their minds for the past 48 hours.
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I wish I could tell younger Thena about how when they saw One Direction live at the Where We Are Tour, August 30th, 2014 in Chicago, IL it would be the first and the last time they would see all five boys together in real life. I never got a chance after that, and I hoped that with Liam's new music this year I would have another shot at seeing him, a winter 2024 tour or even 2025. Sadly, that never occurred, and my lone 2014 memories are what I remember now. Screaming along to "Don't Forget Where You Belong" while watching the boys and the community I had learned to love so much all bond, it was a memory that I have never forgotten.
I have spent the better part of my time in tears, sleeping on my bathroom floor because I don't want to wake my partner. I want to be away from social media desperately because everything I see hurts, but also leaving it makes me feel alone and closed away from the community I have learned to call home.
Those that don't understand might belittle mine or your emotions. Call us insane or crazy for how we are acting. I hope they never go through pain that affects them so much that something as "trivial as a boy band member dying" would hurt so bad.
"It's just a band."
"He's a celebrity, you didn't know him."
"That's so cringe, you're an adult now."
I know how it looks to others, but you don't know how and what I went through to get to the point of having this insane amount of adoration and love for something. One Direction and the fandom was such a big part of my growing, learning, and developing along many milestones in my life. Not to mention a lot of my good friends I made within that community. I wish I could explain it to you guys, but it isn't that simple. One Direction was formed and the trajectory of my life was altered after that. It was part of what made me so happy, it's a milestone of my life, and it literally was something I poured all of me into.
WHERE DOES THIS LEAVE THINGS ON WATTPAD???
Well, many of you know I was going to release a new story called "Violence and Trusts" at the end of this month. For now it is postponed till December just so I can regain my motivation and have enough content and creations for you.
Taste is another thing entirely... Some of the storyline of Taste has already brought of the topics of why the band broke up, the idea of drugs and alcohol dependencies in the band, emotional issues, and more. Now, only a few chapters away there is a large section of the book that takes a turn and had been planned since the story came to me last year. That entire chunk of the storyline featured Liam, Bear, their lives in the UK, sobriety, and more. This story is set a few years in the future, so I wondered if this was in poor taste to continue that path.
I have sat and thought about this many times when attempting to write in the past 24 hours (meanwhile only about fifteen words have made it to the page beyond this note to you). I decided personally, instead of scraping that part of the storyline, to instead keep it. I am going to give all of us the only closure I personally can (for my own sanity as well) in a life of pretending that Liam got a better ending. For some of you, I know this might be triggering or hard, and I will warn everyone at the beginning of these sections, however, I personally think it is right for me to do so. Taste is hoping to resume in November, but I am taking the rest of October to myself. Thank you for understanding.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I want nothing more than to hug each and every one of you, but I cannot. Just know if you are hurting, I am here to talk, to cry, to reach out, anything. I am on twitter, IG, or tiktok all with the same username (heysupthena) and only a DM away from communicating with. I love all of you and the community we have created. Thank you for being here. I promise I will be back soon, I just need a little time.
