Eyes Without A Face

Chapter 9 - Ceasefire

- Alwin -

Köln, Germany, 18th of February 2019

Elin Solak might be a psychopath. Even worse a Christian and the executioner in charge with the dirty work in Berlin. But, much more than that, she's a human being. And, for this aspect alone, I'm going to treat her accordingly.

I'd lie if I said that I don't feel any sort of remorse regarding the entire situation. The attacker left immediately after my friend was fainted on the ground. Just by taking a look at her wounds, I instantly knew that whoever the assassin was, their goal wasn't to kill her. It was a message, I was completely aware of that.

But it wasn't until I took her to my place, removed the darts, and cleaned her wounds that I realized to whom it was directed. Me or her? In the end, I came to the conclusion that the grandmaster of Tuscany, whose daughter Kurt refused to admit into our hospital and died, is seeking revenge on the new director. That's the only logical deduction I can have after analyzing the steel of the darts, originating in Florence.

She's resting now. The poison in which those things were dipped in is still going to keep her bedridden for a while. But Elin is in no danger of death. I took care of everything.

As I watch her sleeping, my mind goes back to what happened before the attack. How she confronted me in front of the class about the suturing knots. The way she even dared to come to my course in the first place. Ending with her ultimatum regarding the promised tour at my work place. Elin Solak is certainly a person that I underestimated a lot. She played me. And she did it well. For this I believe that she definitely earned the right to know the entire truth.

Only the constant dripping of her IV brings me back to reality. But it's not like this is any better. Seeing her like this, asleep, so vulnerable, makes me have some very erratic thoughts.

What if I'd touch those hands? Not in the way that I did when she needed medical assistance. To simply feel the softness of her skin underneath my fingers the same way I like to do with books.

When I think about the leather bind volumes, another topic unlocks within my mind. I hope Lukas is happy to know that I saved a Christian, wherever he might be. Looking back at our discussion I'm about to laugh of my own foolishness. The way I needed time to decide whether I'd help her or not. In fact, I didn't even think about it. When I saw her wounded, laying on the ground with the blood slowly dripping out of her, all my doctor instincts activated.

However, as I keep battling my horrible thoughts now, I wonder if it was only my medical sense early on or something more. Was it only Alwin the guy who wants to save lives the one who mended her wounds? Or was it a new and strange side of me I haven't ever met before?

My entire life I was gay. I knew that since my very early teens. Women never attracted me. I've never sought their company, even less the so-called pleasures they could offer. Nowhere in my brain chemical scheme has a woman ever meddled into. I've never thought about them more than friends. And even that very hard. I can't accept that Elin Solak has managed to break some very strong locks within me. It's impossible, and bisexuality doesn't really seem to be my thing.

Surely it's all the games we played. The audacity she has. The way she made my world make no sense without her. I ended up being dependent on my future killer. Textbook Stockholm syndrome. Nothing more.

And what if these hands don't want to kill me? I wonder as I have my fingers just a few millimeters away from hers. What if she doesn't want this either? Maybe Elin feels just as troubled as I am on the inside. Maybe we're both making the same mistake. Maybe...

Her eyelids move.

I retract my hand like she just burnt me. There's no way I was about to do such a stupid mistake. Everything would've ended for me if she would've woken up and find me touching her. I'm a man of principles. I like to go by some basic manners. And now I was in the most inappropriate situation of my life. I was just as vulnerable as her.

She coughs shortly. Then her eyes open. They seem to be just a dull shade of brown from this proximity, yet I can see everything within them. The pain. The surprise. The confusion. If I'm going to let the irrationality speak, it might've been even a drop of relief in her gaze.

"Hey," I say, trying to select my words wisely so I wouldn't let anything indicate that a storm of strange emotions is currently ravishing my soul. "I'm happy to see you're awake."

"Really?" she coughs some more, but there's not as much irony as it would normally be in that line.

"I removed the darts," I start presenting her the situation. "Cleaned your wounds, sutured, and everything. The only issue is that they were poisoned. You won't be able to do too much in the next couple of days and I'd recommend you to rest..."

"I don't need a medical report," she interrupts me. "Who did it?"

"I don't know, but the steel is from Florence."

"I'm not in conflict with the Italians," she mumbles.

"No, but I am," I reply resigned. "I'm sorry for all this. My guess is that this is a revenge plot coming after me from work. It's all my fault and I take full responsibility for it."

"It's fine," she says, but avoids my gaze. "I'll see how I can use this in my favor. Maybe I'll get some credits from the master of Tuscany since I've been a collateral damage in this mess."

Everything for Elin is a business. Even the life and death situations. I'm not sure how happy she is to be alive, but the idea that she might have a master owing her something truly excites her.

"I have to see the sutures," she almost laughs, "to make sure the knots are..."

"Double," I complete her phrase. "Yes, they are. I took into account your preferences."

"So you learned something," Elin coughs some more, but I can tell she's not exactly bothered by this, "...during the last class."

I smile. "Maybe."

I was planning to pinch her badly with this aspect when I first did her sutures. Yet I don't feel the need to do it. That will of revenge vanished completely. It's just like we've been friends for life and she just made a bad joke I'm willing to forget.

"Did you report the attack?" she asks.

"I had to. They would've found out anyway and it would've been worse. But, don't worry, I told everyone that you were a student of mine. No one's gonna ask questions knowing I was just finishing class. Your secret is safe."

"Thanks," Elin whispers, closing her eyes, "for everything."

I have no idea why I did this. How I ended up protecting someone sent here to kill me. A person who's fighting against progress and all my beliefs. Yet I did it. I defended Elin as best as I could. I didn't want anyone to know about her. She is my secret. That kind of covered truth that's so hidden it became strange even for myself. Elin metamorphosed into something I've avoided my entire life. The rock that is going to drag my body to the bottom of the river.

"It's okay," I sigh. "I'll let you rest."

I get up and want to go to my office. To allow her the privacy she needs for a while. At least until she falls back asleep. Then I can keep monitoring her discreetly.

"Alwin," she says and when I turn to look at her I notice her eyes fixating me. "Is this a ceasefire between us?"

"Maybe," I smile. "For now."

"Sounds good," she seems pleased. "For now."

I'm not sure how long my truce with Elin Solak is going to last. But the truth is that I'm not ready to see it ending. There's some sort of coziness she gives even to my house. Her presence here is like the very much needed life that was missing. And the worst part of it all is that I'd want it to last forever.

~•~